If you see your partner doing something dumb such as building a service depot in the middle of a tank fight or going migs on an ore map you are likely to succumb to an inner rage which shall most likely result in the loss of a few inches of your hairline.
We all rage. That's natural. We feel so dumb when we lose at a game we have spent hours playing. However some people are worse at hiding their emotions than others. These poor mentally fragile people can be seen spewing their anxiety in the CnCNet lobby post-game (and yes I am one of them 😁😎).
Here is the ranking list of my 5 most malding opponents on CnCNet. It takes alot of Red Alert induced hair loss to make it into this inclusive club:
5) Doc 9 times out of 10 Doc is a respectful opponent who will say GG win or lose, however catch him in a bad mood and be prepared to meet his verbal wrath. Be prepared to be told that you only win because he plays 4 games and you only play Red Alert. Also you will be told you are a lucky jew who can only win with light tanks. Many inches of Doc's hairline have been lost forever due to his much documented and glorious feuds with Mafia and Lordy. Currently Doc is donating a few strands of hair to his feud with Bea5ty.
4) Butcher This insecure chap cannot hide his disgust after a loss. He is just ultra competitive so I get it. He doesn't do anything particularly bad after a loss except get salty so that's why I haven't placed him higher. I hope for his own good he doesn't play Red Alert when he is older as a bad loss would surely result in a stroke.
3) Steel aka Rekt This man must save a fortune on haircuts. No trip to a barber needed for him as a bald scalp is all that remains after 25 years in the Red Alert trash talking trenches. When encountering this individual be prepared to hear of his 100 game ladder win streak in 1996 when people didn't yet play with a keyboard. Also if he loses he's only played the map 600 times so doesn't know it yet of course. The CnCNet book of legendary quotes is an anthology because of this renowned warrior. Steel: I salute you! You are mostly full of shit but we love you for it. An extremely entertaining player who also proves that the Red Alert community is supportive and inclusive of mental illness
2) Muad^Dib Affectionately nicknamed "The Mad Dog", This P4 builder cannot handle a loss well. You'll see him slam the keyboard "sjsjsvjdvkdkvdlslaadn ashdidkgkgdkg! " if he loses in a frustrating manner. We all secretly love him even though he has aborted 100s of games in a winning position because he doesn't realise his partner base traded and killed all of the enemy's power and ore. He definitely needs a therapist for his stress levels but thankfully he is working on that by taking up ballroom dancing. He truly has the moves like Jagger and pro Q. You can feel the anxiety radiating from him when he plays but it is for sure true that CnCNet would be a worse place without him. Muad the Mad Dog we Love You.
1) Oldpro aka [420]Ryan Who else? No Head & Shoulders required. You don't need to have been on the CnCNet lobby long to see OldPro having a public mental breakdown. He cannot handle even the smallest instance of trolling. Any loss is never his fault naturally. He either was broke (only 35k ore) or game was too laggy and he couldn't click the enemy's tank (even though he had teslas which don't require clicking tank). Otherwise he was distracted by an alien abduction or music was too loud. In his mind OldPro is the number 1 God level player on CnCNet. Well congratulations OldPro you finally got the respect and ranking you deserve. From henceforth we will regale you as the rank 1 most malding player on CnCNet. A forehead fit for a King.
