A SHORT HISTORY LESSON WHICH RED ALERT CAN LEARN FROM

 A short history lesson and how it relates to Red Alert 1 today.

Everyone has heard of the famous Roman leader Julius Caesar.

Caesar conquered Gaul (modern France) and crushed his political rivals making himself the de facto Emperor of the Roman Empire.

His power and ego became so great to the point he essentially wanted worshipped and unlimited power and to abolish the Roman laws which had held for 500 years. 

Because his ego and power got too out of control, his closest friends and advisers conspired to assassinate him in a plot famously known as "The Ides of March". The group of assassins included his best friend Decimus and his stepson Brute. Hence Caesar's reported famous last words:

"Et Tu, Brute?" = "And you Brutus !?? 😔😔

Caesar had become so arrogant and out of touch with reality that even those closest to him fundamentally disagreed with him and wanted rid of him. He was out of control.

How does this relate to Red Alert 1 in 2026? 

Well, admin N8 Diaz is going the same way as Caesar. Unilateral decisions made on behalf of the community without the support of the community.

The RA1 ladder has no games played in June, July or August. The ladder does not function without Yuzgen or Lordy.

There exists an "ignore" button on Red Alert. Everyone knows Lordy is a mouthy big baby cunt who talks alot of shit. That's why you can use the ignore button.

Keeping Lordy indefinitely banned and excluded from our dying game is like shooting ourselves in the foot. When the ginger cunt threatens to swim the English channel and punch Diaz in Guernsey he is not being serious. When he threatens German admins he is not being serious. He's just letting off steam. Lordy is a gout ridden disabled cripple who can't even get out his own driveway without his wife pushing him around in a baby chair for fuck sake!! 

Unban the cunt and let him play. You're hurting everyone else by not letting Lordy play and this is reality.

We are a small game with very few players. Keeping Lordy excluded indefinitely hurts the game and deep down you know it.

Unban the disabled ginger Bognor Bear 🐻 and pump him in game to let off steam.

Learn from history. Don't end up like Caesar.

Thanks for reading.

Augustus Crushy

RA1 IN CRISIS: WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE

Red Alert 1 is dead the now. No ladder games for 60+ days. No best ofs. Folk need to stop sniffing the glue and realise the game needs its big personalities. 

The game NEEDS the Turkish Rambo, Yuzgen.

The game NEEDS the bipolar disabled bear, Lordy.

The game NEEDS Dutchy and his toddler level English and his paranoia. 

The game thrives when players like this are around. Creates action and interest.

The alternative is what we have now. Loads of beginners and an occasional Liquid room.

Think it might be time for an amnesty. Bring back the players otherwise there might not be any games at all in the not too distant future. I intend to play during winter when the weather is garbage so make sure there's some actual players online.

Make RA Great Again. 

THE N.O.T.O.R.I.O.U.S   C.R.U.S.H.Y.B.O.O.B.O.O

PETITION: Important Changes Needed in Red Alert immediately. FFS.

 

​PETITION: Important Changes Needed in Red Alert immediately. FFS.

​Listen up, command commanders and absolute melt-downs. The Red Alert community is currently in a state of shambles, and it’s not because of the game balance—it’s because of the absolute clowns running around the lobby.

​We, the undersigned (and anyone with a functioning brain), demand the following non-negotiable updates to the community roster. Sign this or you're a soft lad.

​The Demands:

• ​1. Yuz: Cease the Emo Phase Yuz needs to stop acting like a hormonal teenager locked in his bedroom, drop the emo act, and get his arse online. The people are starving. The people need those Twitch streams. Most importantly, the people need the Turkish Rambo back on Red Alert. Get on or get out.
  
• ​2. Lordy & Dutchy: Return to the Mountains These two antisocial bastards have spent enough time hiding from society. This is a formal, legally binding eviction from your caves. Get back to the mountains where you belong. This is non-negotiable.
  
• ​3. Dynamic: A Mandatory Reality Check Dynamic needs to stop walking about like he’s the second coming of Christ, claiming he’s the "best 2v2 player ever." Let’s look at the facts: gganbu (aka Fondz) absolute pumps you mercilessly every single series. Literally no one thinks you’re the best. You have a losing head-to-head record against Lauta and Oldpro on p4 FFS. Sit down, be humble, and learn how to build a barracks.
  
• ​4. Nerf GQ (Because it's Proper Pish) The current state of GQ is an absolute joke. It’s a load of old pish. Back in the day, I used to be able to beat people clean with a bit of proper stacking. Now? I can’t even beat a bloody egg 🥚. Fix the game, it's breaking my mental health.
  
• ​5. Ford: End the Identity Crisis Ford, stop being an emo cunt. It is the worst-kept secret in the community. Just out yourself as gganbu already. We know it’s you, and frankly, we just miss you. Come home.

​How to Support the Petition

​Hurl some abuse at the players mentioned above or share the blog in your servers/ chat rooms

​THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER

Crushy Slim Shady

[on behalf of ORA-BOY Lips LLP]

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Well hello there my lovely readers. Happy Star Wars Day. May the 4th be with you.

It has struck me that Justin Bieber's recent headline performance at Coachella was a pop culture event. His fans are known as Beliebers. Since Blog of Boo is also a cultural phenomenon in its own right, I think it's fitting that fans of my world famous journalism should also have their own group name. From this moment forward feel free to identify yourself as a "Booger" - a devoted fan of Blog of Boo. Don't forget to donate 800 USD via PayPal, the same amount that Ad swindled out of Lordy via drunken sexting. 

I'm here with lots to report on. Lots of relationship breakups. 

Lordy as usual is at the heart of it all, falling out with every c*nt. Although this time I actually think he might be the victim in some of these cases. Firstly, Rushy brutally dumped him calling him a piggy 🐷 c*nt after he failed to block gate on a crush basement 2v2. The end of Xi clan was the direct consequence of one loss to Oldpr0 too much. RushyBoo has subsequently rejoined ORA clan and left Lordy as a single man. Why did he join ORA you ask? Well it's rumoured that ORA-Boy is extremely skilled with his lips and sucking techniques. 

Dynamic too has officially spat the dummy out. He's not taken his recent Best Of series losses well. They basically proved he is far from the best 2v2 player in the world and is not a happy bunny 🐰. Look I'm not going to offer comment on that. Just look at the following simple equation and decide for yourself the conclusion.

Dynamic + Kickn 0 Vs 6 NastyFond NastyMuad

Beasty + Kickn 6 Vs 5 NastyFond NastyMuad

Kickn confirmed that he feels more comfortable playing with Beasty. That's all I'm saying. 

BigD definitely not taken it well. Having a total narcissistic collapse. This resulted in him targeting Lordy on the RA1 discord forums. Accusing Lordy of being a racist. The term "pot calling kettle black" springs to mind given that Dynamic himself was banned on Twitch for 2 years himself for some potty mouthed racist ranting against an Israeli player. 

Dutchy also has had a mental breakdown. He's officially gone off the deep end. It seems his medication isn't working well right now. Dr Lordy advised Dutchy to up his antidepressant dosage and Dutchy has gone in the huff and stopped sending Lordy armpit pics. Dutchy blaming Lordy for being muted and ignoring the fact that he literally illegally abused and discriminated against a disabled player as the reason for being muted. Moral of the story: Take some responsibility for your own actions.

Anyway you will notice I'm alot calmer and more level headed nowadays. This is because I'm a Sober CrushyBoo. I feel like a better person because of it, keeping my nasty side at bay. I'm pleased to confirm that Lordy too is working on his alcohol demons and is being mentored by Beasty into becoming religious and leaving his past lifestyle behind. Lordy will be changing his name to Abdul on CnCNet lobby when he feels his journey is complete. We are happy for him and wish him well. 

Thanks for reading,

Crushy 2.0

PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL

It is clear that some Red Alert players haven't been reading their Bible.

Firstly, 3xButler of the Year, Ad was calling out crushyboo who hasn't really played in about 5 years. All know crushyboo was/is a legend of the game whereas Ad is Tier C+ with Dutchy and Ethia. Leigh therefore put up a poll "who better in prime, crush or ad?" Which I did find kind of insulting to be honest. Like putting a poll "who better in prime, Ehy or sp0ckab?" But here is the result. Only weekday male Ad and female weekend transvestite Ad voted for him/herself:

Another big ego was brought back down to Earth this week. Dynamic the self-proclaimed GOAT and his partner Kickn were completely pumped and outclassed 6-0 by Gganbu and NastyMuad. Dynamic used to think we were trolling when we said Gganbu is the best player in the world in 2v2 but this series proved it. Yes Dynamic is a phenomenon in 1v1 but in 2v2 play he is pretty meh, there's absolutely no way he could be considered the goat. Maybe the 🐐 of pint drinking but certainly not RA 2v2. Kickn should also be ashamed of getting absolutely pumped by the Romanian dancing chihuahua Muad Dib in this series. Oldpro said he is available to give coaching to Dynamic and Kickn in light of this series to help them improve.

In final news, good to see our old pal, the crazy bipolar bisexual Dutch army veteran, aka Dutchy adapting well to normal life. He delivered a Batista Bomb to an intruder in a coffee shop and is now awaiting charges. If you know any good lawyers give him a shout.

Thanks for reading,

Stone Cold Crushy Boo Boo