PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL

It is clear that some Red Alert players haven't been reading their Bible.

Firstly, 3xButler of the Year, Ad was calling out crushyboo who hasn't really played in about 5 years. All know crushyboo was/is a legend of the game whereas Ad is Tier C+ with Dutchy and Ethia. Leigh therefore put up a poll "who better in prime, crush or ad?" Which I did find kind of insulting to be honest. Like putting a poll "who better in prime, Ehy or sp0ckab?" But here is the result. Only weekday male Ad and female weekend transvestite Ad voted for him/herself:

Another big ego was brought back down to Earth this week. Dynamic the self-proclaimed GOAT and his partner Kickn were completely pumped and outclassed 6-0 by Gganbu and NastyMuad. Dynamic used to think we were trolling when we said Gganbu is the best player in the world in 2v2 but this series proved it. Yes Dynamic is a phenomenon in 1v1 but in 2v2 play he is pretty meh, there's absolutely no way he could be considered the goat. Maybe the 🐐 of pint drinking but certainly not RA 2v2. Kickn should also be ashamed of getting absolutely pumped by the Romanian dancing chihuahua Muad Dib in this series. Oldpro said he is available to give coaching to Dynamic and Kickn in light of this series to help them improve.

In final news, good to see our old pal, the crazy bipolar bisexual Dutch army veteran, aka Dutchy adapting well to normal life. He delivered a Batista Bomb to an intruder in a coffee shop and is now awaiting charges. If you know any good lawyers give him a shout.

Thanks for reading,

Stone Cold Crushy Boo Boo

Clinical Psychology case study: Red Alert players

 Red Alert 1 on CnCNet is a fantastic emporium if you wish to study a range of psychological personality disorders. Many of the most famous players have their own unique psychological issues and traumas. I will provide an analysis of some of these most prominent issues so that you may increase your knowledge and awareness.

Oldpro - narcissism. Forgive Oldpro for seeming to be quite delusional and the best at everything he does, far exceeding reality. He's been mollycoddled and spoiled as a child and so was brought up to believe he was simply God's gift despite the fact that the evidence in the mirror displays a large protruding forehead and a distinctively large nose. Next time you see Oldpro ranting about how he's the God at building (when in reality he is KOBA level) just remember it's his narcissism shining through.

Lordy - addictive personality disorder. Lordy has Neanderthal brain. Once his animal bear brain realises he likes something he has no "off" switch. Be it gambling, alcohol, salami or best ofs, Lordy is completely hopeless in his fight with addictions. We should pray to Jesus for him as this is the only way he can overcome his shortcomings. The bear is always gagging for a best of 23 hours a day/365 days a year.

Beasty - PTSD. Beasty exhibits the classic signs of post traumatic stress disorder. Memories of being abused and neglected are what cause him to sometimes appear quite prickly and touchy. However underneath it all he's just a human being wanting a hug and a bit of kindness.

NastyNate - crippling anxiety. Nate is terrified of losing a 1v1 and his ego suffering damage so parades around looking for followers to placate him to avoid any threat to his self worth.

Muad Dib - stockholm syndrome/codependency. Muad has latent repressed homosexual tendencies and desires. This is proven by his obsession with ballroom dancing and physique. Underneath his aggressive bark, he really just wants a man to look after him, protect him and make him feel pretty. Just bare this in mind next time you think it is ok to ridicule him.

Dutchy - bipolar disorder. Sometimes our bald favourite ex soldier is "happy as Larry". Other times he shrieks like a proverbial banshee. You are never quite sure which sort of mood you will get Dutchy in. He is well loved by the community despite clearly not being right in the head. 

Thanks for reading,

Stay tuned for more.

Dr Crush.

A Festive Note from Crush

 This is The CrushyBoo speaking.

Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas time and a happy New year. Hope 2026 is less shit than 2025 for you. Hope those of you with family and friends have a great time, and for those of you incel loners hope you extra enjoy your fleshlight and Doritos during the holiday season .

Next year Red Alert 1 will celebrate 30 years of existence 🍾. This goes to show how old we are all getting. Relax. It's just a game. Grow wise in your old age like me and realise it's just a dumb game. Don't lose your hair like Oldpro did over this game.

Keep calm and tank.

I suggest 2026 should be an amnesty for everyone. The mentally ill/semi-retard Neanderthal players such as Dutchy and Lordy should be unmuted like everyone else so they can eat their Lego loudly and proudly once again.

Thanks for reading,

Orange Crush 🍊 

Player of the Year 2025 and Butler of the Year 2025

 2025. A year I played for a grand total of about 5 hours so way too rusty to form much of an opinion. Fortunately, however, the 2 main awards are very obvious so I won't keep you in suspense...

The award for Player of the Year 2025 goes to Pride aka San . Everyone's favourite Asian American Red Alert streamer dominated the competition this year and was the standout performer of the year. No controversy here and for once, no debate from any party. Even the £200k German crypto Porsche driver (Dynamic) is in agreement as to Pride's superiority. The best credit to San is that he does his talking on the battlefield and doesn't beef with anyone. Some may call it boring and autistic but a lack of personality coupled with robotic precision is refreshing in the red alert 1 scene. Congratulations San and I hope you extra enjoy your sweet and sour sauce tonight champ ! 🏆 

Butler of the Year is also obvious for 2025. Fighter's personal fleshlight aka Ad has regained his title. Another year spent dick hopping by Ad culminated in getting shagged senseless by Fighter in their recent 1v1 match. At this point, Fighter literally uses Ad as a training tool for his dick for when it comes to facing a proper opponent. Another year of Ad spent doing what he does best - trash talking then getting pumped - made this an easy award to issue. Congratulations Ad on becoming a 3* BUTLER OF THE YEAR (2022,2023,2025). Commiserations to last year's valiant winner, Toshy, who has been demoted to dishwasher. 

Congratulations to both winners and good luck for next year.

That's all folks,

Crushy O' Boo Boo

C Tier Players

What do we mean by C tier?  We mean a semi-ok player who is better than average and not a noob, but also someone who isn't really good enough to compete with regular pros especially in 2v2.

A key characteristic of a C tier player will be someone who knows what needs to be done but is just not as good at executing it. Another characteristic might be they are good at one small aspect of the game but their general range of skills fall short of being good enough. Eg fighter is good at tanking but not that great at other stuff. OldPro is a GOD at 10cy building (even stronger than players like kicknass at that) but pretty useless at other game aspects. 

So overall you have a picture of what constitutes a C tier player... Someone who warms the bench on the basketball team and can contribute in little spells but isn't going to get full game time or starters minutes. Someone who will hold the door open for the coach and be the bottle carrier and get a sniff of 5 minutes on the court from time to time. However if you play with C tier players as your teammate you will lose most games but it will be more respectful than if you teamed up with a total nub.

Here are 5 examples of players who I think clearly fall into this category and most would agree:

OldPro 

Fighter

Ad

Diaz

Dutchy

There are many more but these are some obvious C tier players I think of when I think of 2v2.

Thanks for reading.

Stay tuned for more.

Big Dawg CrushyBoo.