PRIDE COMES BEFORE A FALL

It is clear that some Red Alert players haven't been reading their Bible.

Firstly, 3xButler of the Year, Ad was calling out crushyboo who hasn't really played in about 5 years. All know crushyboo was/is a legend of the game whereas Ad is Tier C+ with Dutchy and Ethia. Leigh therefore put up a poll "who better in prime, crush or ad?" Which I did find kind of insulting to be honest. Like putting a poll "who better in prime, Ehy or sp0ckab?" But here is the result. Only weekday male Ad and female weekend transvestite Ad voted for him/herself:

Another big ego was brought back down to Earth this week. Dynamic the self-proclaimed GOAT and his partner Kickn were completely pumped and outclassed 6-0 by Gganbu and NastyMuad. Dynamic used to think we were trolling when we said Gganbu is the best player in the world in 2v2 but this series proved it. Yes Dynamic is a phenomenon in 1v1 but in 2v2 play he is pretty meh, there's absolutely no way he could be considered the goat. Maybe the 🐐 of pint drinking but certainly not RA 2v2. Kickn should also be ashamed of getting absolutely pumped by the Romanian dancing chihuahua Muad Dib in this series. Oldpro said he is available to give coaching to Dynamic and Kickn in light of this series to help them improve.

In final news, good to see our old pal, the crazy bipolar bisexual Dutch army veteran, aka Dutchy adapting well to normal life. He delivered a Batista Bomb to an intruder in a coffee shop and is now awaiting charges. If you know any good lawyers give him a shout.

Thanks for reading,

Stone Cold Crushy Boo Boo

Clinical Psychology case study: Red Alert players

 Red Alert 1 on CnCNet is a fantastic emporium if you wish to study a range of psychological personality disorders. Many of the most famous players have their own unique psychological issues and traumas. I will provide an analysis of some of these most prominent issues so that you may increase your knowledge and awareness.

Oldpro - narcissism. Forgive Oldpro for seeming to be quite delusional and the best at everything he does, far exceeding reality. He's been mollycoddled and spoiled as a child and so was brought up to believe he was simply God's gift despite the fact that the evidence in the mirror displays a large protruding forehead and a distinctively large nose. Next time you see Oldpro ranting about how he's the God at building (when in reality he is KOBA level) just remember it's his narcissism shining through.

Lordy - addictive personality disorder. Lordy has Neanderthal brain. Once his animal bear brain realises he likes something he has no "off" switch. Be it gambling, alcohol, salami or best ofs, Lordy is completely hopeless in his fight with addictions. We should pray to Jesus for him as this is the only way he can overcome his shortcomings. The bear is always gagging for a best of 23 hours a day/365 days a year.

Beasty - PTSD. Beasty exhibits the classic signs of post traumatic stress disorder. Memories of being abused and neglected are what cause him to sometimes appear quite prickly and touchy. However underneath it all he's just a human being wanting a hug and a bit of kindness.

NastyNate - crippling anxiety. Nate is terrified of losing a 1v1 and his ego suffering damage so parades around looking for followers to placate him to avoid any threat to his self worth.

Muad Dib - stockholm syndrome/codependency. Muad has latent repressed homosexual tendencies and desires. This is proven by his obsession with ballroom dancing and physique. Underneath his aggressive bark, he really just wants a man to look after him, protect him and make him feel pretty. Just bare this in mind next time you think it is ok to ridicule him.

Dutchy - bipolar disorder. Sometimes our bald favourite ex soldier is "happy as Larry". Other times he shrieks like a proverbial banshee. You are never quite sure which sort of mood you will get Dutchy in. He is well loved by the community despite clearly not being right in the head. 

Thanks for reading,

Stay tuned for more.

Dr Crush.