PETITION: Important Changes Needed in Red Alert immediately. FFS.
Listen up, command commanders and absolute melt-downs. The Red Alert community is currently in a state of shambles, and it’s not because of the game balance—it’s because of the absolute clowns running around the lobby.
We, the undersigned (and anyone with a functioning brain), demand the following non-negotiable updates to the community roster. Sign this or you're a soft lad.
The Demands:
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1. Yuz: Cease the Emo Phase
Yuz needs to stop acting like a hormonal teenager locked in his bedroom, drop the emo act, and get his arse online. The people are starving. The people need those Twitch streams. Most importantly, the people need the Turkish Rambo back on Red Alert. Get on or get out.
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2. Lordy & Dutchy: Return to the Mountains
These two antisocial bastards have spent enough time hiding from society. This is a formal, legally binding eviction from your caves. Get back to the mountains where you belong. This is non-negotiable.
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3. Dynamic: A Mandatory Reality Check
Dynamic needs to stop walking about like he’s the second coming of Christ, claiming he’s the "best 2v2 player ever." Let’s look at the facts: gganbu (aka Fondz) absolute pumps you mercilessly every single series. Literally no one thinks you’re the best. You have a losing head-to-head record against Lauta and Oldpro on p4 FFS. Sit down, be humble, and learn how to build a barracks.
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4. Nerf GQ (Because it's Proper Pish)
The current state of GQ is an absolute joke. It’s a load of old pish. Back in the day, I used to be able to beat people clean with a bit of proper stacking. Now? I can’t even beat a bloody egg 🥚. Fix the game, it's breaking my mental health.
- 5. Ford: End the Identity Crisis Ford, stop being an emo cunt. It is the worst-kept secret in the community. Just out yourself as gganbu already. We know it’s you, and frankly, we just miss you. Come home.
How to Support the Petition
Hurl some abuse at the players mentioned above or share the blog in your servers/ chat rooms
THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER
Crushy Slim Shady
[on behalf of ORA-BOY Lips LLP]