Well with 2 days to go before we crown Player of the Year, we thought it would increase the hype if we give the Butler of the Year Award its own post, such is its historic prestige and significance. This award is on a par with POTY in the bowels of RA history and can be seen as the Champions League to POTY's Premier League. This year is particularly absorbing as the reigning and defending 2-time back to back champion, Ad, is going for a historic 3-peat! So read on to find out if he has secured this monumental achievement or if someone else has sucked and rimmed better than Ad this year.
First up, a reminder of previous winners ð
2021 Budwouter (butlering for Dynamic)
2022 Ad (butlering for OP)
2023 Ad (freelance butlering most of lobby)
At the halfway stage of this year, many thought that Ad securing the 3-peat was a certain lock. However, the panel agreed that Ad became perhaps a tad too complacent throughout the 2nd half of the year. If there was an award for ass-sniffer of the year then Ad would have won that hands down for his flamboyant purveying of Diaz's posterior, but unfortunately ASOTY is not on offer at this present time.
Therefore, bombshell moment, the 3-peat hasn't happened!!!
Ladies and gentleman, we have a new Butler of the Year for 2024! Stand up and applaud your new BOTY, Toshy!!! Congratulations!
Toshy exhibited the traits of what we think constitutes an elite butler during the voting period. Toshy hopped from clan to clan ( or c*CK to c*CK ? ) at least 5 or 6 times this year to the point we have lost track of his current clan. Toshy was also an expert at fellating the megapros in lobby whenever they would login. Such eager butlering has not been seen since the days of the legendary Budw. Ad will need to significantly up his game in 2025 if he wishes to regain his title as it is clear that positioning himself as Diaz's weed carrier will not be enough.
Be sure to congratulate TOSHY on this phenomenal achievement!
And remember, get ready and get hyped as we find out who has been victorious between the Shroomhead and the Bear for POTY in a few days time! May the best man/they/them win!
Thanks for reading, happy Christmas to all ð Hope Santa gets you cying lessons with OldPr0
We are excited to announce that unanimous results have been decided for all but 1 of this year's awards, therefore we are free to announce the winners of all the secondary awards at this juncture. The most important award, PLAYER OF THE YEAR is still open for voting and I shall be including a poll to decide on this year's winner. 2 candidates this year, polar opposite, have stood out above everyone else for POTY. The voting panel agrees that POTY should be given to the player who has made the biggest impact and contribution to the game over the previous 12 months, and not necessarily the strongest player. Therefore players such as Gganbu and Dynamic are not in the running for this award as there's not been much notable competitive action this year - instead, we feel that there are 2 standout candidates and I am sure most will agree. These are of course, N8Diaz and Lordy. The poll will decide once and for all who is the most popular of the 2 and who takes home the prize of POTY2024. This race will no doubt be even more consequential than Trump vs Kamala. Additionally, we will save the other most important award, Butler of the Year, for part 2 so stay tuned!
Anyway, without much further ado, it's time to decide who has taken home the rest of the prestigious awards:
Most Improved Player 2024
A year ago, Fighter would only beat Ad 6-4 or 7-3 in a 10 game series. However, nowadays, he absolutely pumps him and it would be 10-0 head to head. There's no point in Fighter vs Ad anymore because Fighter has proven he is a tier above his fellow countryman and would absolutely smash him in a Best Of series nowadays.
Additionally, Fighter was able to win the padawan ladder by easily beating players such as robskate while all the big pros were away from keyboard and so proved he is much better than those guys now.
Therefore, Fighter is the clear winner of the MIP2024 Award.
Rookie of the Year 2024
Bart reliably informs me that there's a unanimous winner of this award. The player known by many names but notably [soul]cycle or Recyclebin most often takes this prize. I've not crossed paths with this player myself because I've not been active for the last year but I am assured this player is yet another talented Australian on the CnCNet ranks. I look forward to observing his/her progress, but please, for fuck sake, choose ONE name and stick to it! I know that's hypocritical since I'm known as RedCarpet, MrBoo and others instead of Crushy but I've earned that status due to being an absolute legend of the game, much like The Undertaker (The Deadman, The American Badass) of WWE fame. Newer players should choose one name and stick to it to make them easily identifiable to the seasoned veterans until they earn their stripes in the pr0 ranks.
Streamer of the Year 2024
This of course goes to San for keeping the plebs entertained with some pro action. Find his channel here. LINK TO SAN TWITCH
Lifetime Achievement Award 2024
The panel decided that there's one individual who is extremely deserving of this award. We have decided to soften the blow of his 30-day ban for racist outbursts, by awarding the enigmatic OldPr0 (aka [420]Ryan) with the Lifetime Achievement Award.
OldPr0 has become an integral part of Red Alert popular culture over the past 10 years through his contribution of 12 hours per day losing at 2v2. People will regularly say to each other "stop being an oldpr0" or "ok oldpr0" when anyone makes excuses after a loss. The association of bitching after a loss and the name oldpr0 have become one and the same, completely synonymous at this point, and this is why we love him.
So not only does OldPr0 spend most of the day getting paid by the Canadian social security system to sit and get pumped by KOBA and UFF-Magno on P4 2v2, but he's also a legendary lobby general chat stalwart in his own right.
We should also mention the anomaly which comes with OldPr0. Despite his limited success in competitive play, OldPr0 has the distinction of being Kickn's bogey player. For some reason, Kickn seems to have a mental block when he plays against OldPr0 and usually gets pumped. Maybe this is because they have similar playstyles and OldPr0 is just a much stronger player than Kickn on 10 cy, but whatever it is, Kickn always seems to get pumped by OldPr0 when they're on opposite teams on 2v2.
Congratulations on your award OldPr0 and we look forward to hearing about how a pig flew past the window and that's why you lost your next game once your ban is uplifted!
RA would not be the same without this character and he deserves his legacy to be cemented in the annals of Red Alert history with this award.
POLL FOR POTY2024 BELOW and a reminder that BUTLER of the year will follow in part 2 as well! DON'T READ THE FAKE NEWS, STICK TO BLOG OF BOO.
RED ALERT 1 PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2024
RED ALERT 1 PLAYER OF THE YEAR 2024
Vote for your RA President!
Voting closes on 19th December 2024 at 23:59 London time.
It's official. Mr Anonymous has informed me that he was able to broker a deal with higher admins, and Lordy will finally be released after 1 more month provided he has good behaviour. The Bear will be returning to Red Alert 1 on CnCNet to get pumped again by OldPr0 on 2v2 on December 28th 2024.
To celebrate I have included a countdown clock in this post.
I have contacted Yuzgen and informed him of this news. He says he too will come out of retirement to pump Lordy's hairy dangleberry hole one last time on the release date.
Thank you to the negotiators in bringing us this Christmas gift.
Voting is now open for RA End of Year Awards. A reminder of the awards being covered.
Rookie of the Year
Most Improved Player
Lifetime Achievement Award
Streamer of the Year
Player of the Year
BUTLER OF THE YEAR
Get your votes into the Chief Golden Milo Jockstrap Sniffer aka Bart who is acting as head curator in my absence. I am afraid I have been too much of a scavenging crow this year and so my insight isn't as valuable as our dear Four Letter Word. Bart will be sharing the results with me around December 20th in time for your Christmas stockings.
In other news, I stumbled across evidence that Milo is alive and well whilst out on my travels.
Additionally, I can confirm that I have communicated with our favourite Turkish Rambo, Yuzgen. He said he has retired from the game because the competition absolutely sucks and too many nubs. Yuzgen will be remembered very fondly for his 22 hour streams and 5 years of sacrificing pussy in order to teach a generation of padawans the dark arts of HJK6.
Finally, drunken cowboy robskate is back ðĪ
Hopefully Santa Diaz will fill up everyone's Christmas stockings and release the Bear back into the woods.
Unfortunately I've been a busy bee lately ð so that's why I've been quiet as a mouse on the blogging front ð. Fortunately for you guys, my good friend Mr Anonymous has been flooding my inbox with some news of what's going on in the Red Alert trenches. So let's get down to business and report on some of the current hottest topics.
BEAR AND DIAZ HOOKUP ðĻ❤️ðĻðģ️ððĻ❤️ððĻ
Well this storyline certainly took an unexpected twist. Lordy tried an old tactic of trying to seduce his man to get what he wants. Yes, that's right, Lordy tried to get Diaz into the bedroom in order to be able to play again, by going undercover and calling himself BAT-VIKING.
The romance seemed to be blossoming extremely well when unfortunately someone pulled the plug and the Bear's disguise slipped. Unfortunately Diaz couldn't accept that he likes men too so was in denial about the situation and decided to ban Lordy again instead of keeping the love affair going. At this current moment Diaz is still playing hard to get and wants the Bear to work hard for his love ð in order to be reinstated as the BAT clan enforcer. I think the rest of the community would love to see this relationship grow and hopefully the Christmas special is the bear being allowed back online to win his man and play some games ð. Lordy even posted a love letter ð to Diaz on the CnCNet discord servers and poured his heart out. Hopefully there's a happy ending to this story!
AD
Alot of Mr Anonymous' notes centred on the man who goes boxing twice a day ðĨ. I've told Mr Anonymous that I am going to go easy on everyone's favourite butler due to the obvious sad external factors. Mr Anonymous has demanded that I ask if anyone would like to donate a pair of boots so our boy can become a man ðĨū.
ROBIN GETS HIS BATMAN
Christmas came early for the 2nd best player in the world, Dynamic, as the undisputed world champion Gganbu has reappeared online. As expected Dynamic jumped online faster than Maud Dib catches a bone ðĶī when he got a sniff of Gganbu's musky armpits. Everyone has been in awe of Gganbu's play since his return and it's clear he is still miles better than everyone else and the best player in the world. It seems bigD is forever destined to be the bridesmaid and never the bride ð°.
LEEDS ARE SHIT
I thought I'd end this blog by giving everyone a good laugh. Look at how utter crap Kobra's football team are. Even worse than Oldpro is at tanking:
