RED ALERT NEWS OCTOBER 6TH 2024

 Unfortunately I've been a busy bee lately 🐝 so that's why I've been quiet as a mouse on the blogging front 🐁. Fortunately for you guys, my good friend Mr Anonymous has been flooding my inbox with some news of what's going on in the Red Alert trenches. So let's get down to business and report on some of the current hottest topics.

BEAR AND DIAZ HOOKUP 👨‍❤️‍👨🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

Well this storyline certainly took an unexpected twist. Lordy tried an old tactic of trying to seduce his man to get what he wants. Yes, that's right, Lordy tried to get Diaz into the bedroom in order to be able to play again, by going undercover and calling himself BAT-VIKING.

 The romance seemed to be blossoming extremely well when unfortunately someone pulled the plug and the Bear's disguise slipped. Unfortunately Diaz couldn't accept that he likes men too so was in denial about the situation and decided to ban Lordy again instead of keeping the love affair going. At this current moment Diaz is still playing hard to get and wants the Bear to work hard for his love 💕 in order to be reinstated as the BAT clan enforcer. I think the rest of the community would love to see this relationship grow and hopefully the Christmas special is the bear being allowed back online to win his man and play some games 🎁. Lordy even posted a love letter 💌 to Diaz on the CnCNet discord servers and poured his heart out. Hopefully there's a happy ending to this story!

AD

Alot of Mr Anonymous' notes centred on the man who goes boxing twice a day 🥊. I've told Mr Anonymous that I am going to go easy on everyone's favourite butler due to the obvious sad external factors. Mr Anonymous has demanded that I ask if anyone would like to donate a pair of boots so our boy can become a man 🥾. 

ROBIN GETS HIS BATMAN

Christmas came early for the 2nd best player in the world, Dynamic, as the undisputed world champion Gganbu has reappeared online. As expected Dynamic jumped online faster than Maud Dib catches a bone 🦴 when he got a sniff of Gganbu's musky armpits. Everyone has been in awe of Gganbu's play since his return and it's clear he is still miles better than everyone else and the best player in the world. It seems bigD is forever destined to be the bridesmaid and never the bride 👰.

LEEDS ARE SHIT

I thought I'd end this blog by giving everyone a good laugh. Look at how utter crap Kobra's football team are. Even worse than Oldpro is at tanking:

Thanks for reading, 

MAMBO NUMBA CRUSH 🥰 

RA NEWS 15TH JULY 2024

 

The main news this week is that England got absolutely pumped by Spain in the Euro 2024 final. It was men Vs boys. England finally ran out of luck after miraculously scraping past Slovakia and Switzerland. They were lucky it was not about 6-1 and Spain were the much better team and fisted them. A shame because this was the best chance England will have to win a trophy - they won't ever get such an easy draw again and will be able to reach the Quarter finals at best in future tournaments. So feel free to join the rest of Scotland in having a "haahahhahahhaahahhahahaha😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🇪🇸🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆🏆" One particular salty and delusoonal RA player didn't take it too well:

There is no prize for 2nd best and being the bridesmaid mate, you are beginning to sound like Dynamic haha.

Speaking of Dynamic, word on the street is he is back! Yes indeed,  the 2nd best player in the world after Gganbu has returned to Red Alert 1 after not being able to compete in RA2. Heard a rumour he got absolutely pumped by Yuzgen on HJK yet again. Yuz has been merciful as he was going to upload the game to YouTube with title "cocky padawan comes back for another hjk6 lesson from his Turkish Sensei AKA 18 pints not enough".

In other news, Ad has said he has had a life threatening injury and that's why he is not able to compete with Fighter with Oldpro at the moment. He said he had to be rushed to hospital and that this is the reason he was getting pumped every game and has been avoiding ladder and spectating all 2v2s. See proof of Ad's serious injury below, no wonder he needed an ambulance:

Thanks for reading folks,

Crushy Yamal! Viva Espana

Ad explains why been getting pumped by the Tier 3s

I can now also officially reveal that Ad has been a naughty boy and attempting to extort certain RA players. He's been wanting paid £1000 and for people let him win some games. Fortunately chief admin N8Diaz has stepped in and disciplined our favourite Butler. He's warned Ad to get back in his box or he will suffer the same fate as The Bear. Diaz is a good daddy and is disciplining the kids.

So Ad, lay off the glue and behave.

Ad should read the blog's advice and lay off the boxing and get back on the qmaster. Needs to stop getting pumped off oldpro on 2v2 and fighter on 1v1. Needs to stop trying to beef with players 2 tiers higher.

Uncle Crushy.

Pride comes before a fall

It's no secret that the pro scene of Red Alert 1 is really struggling at the moment. Most of the Tier 1 and Tier 2 players are taking a break from the game during the summer months. What's left is a bunch of tier 3 and tier 4 players duking it out for the cruiserweight title.

I've heard reports that even the reigning back-to-back 2* BUTLER OF THE YEAR, Ad, fancies himself as a bit of an alpha now that the Big Dawgs are not around.

Unfortunately Ad is still getting exposed as being Tier 4 and is not even the best player in his own town.

Ad gets pumped by Fighter after giving it the big un. Proof Ad is not even Lebanon top 5. Ad has become known as Fighter's spunk bucket nowadays because Fighter always fists him in 1v1. 

The lesson here is to not get too big for your boots. Ad is still getting humbled by the likes of Fighter, Oldpro and Bart. Oldpro has won 14 games straight against Ad on 2v2 at time of writing. 

Ad has claimed that the reason for his losses is that he's tired after spending all morning in the gym. I think someone is telling wee porky pies to be honest and I don't believe him. Do you? I think Ad has only ever visited the gym to use the toilet.

Stay humble and keep training folks.

Speak with actions not words.

Listen to At0m1's words and have pr0 attitude xD

Crushy fucking Tzu

Crush's gossip corner June 2024

 Good news for you all. Mr Anonymous slid into my DM's this morning with some delightful insights into the current state of Red Alert 1 on CnCNet. Here's some brief news flash highlights:

BEAR STILL CAGED!

No change here and no word on when DaddyDiaz plans to release the bear back into the wild. The Bear is spending its free time learning how to play the Cello with an old pal via discord.

DYNAMIC RETIRED?

People are not sure on the exact reason since BigD announced he's now an RA2 player. The word on the street is he got frustrated at constantly losing to Lauta on P4 and gave up, but others say it's because he was annoyed at Gganbu not being around and so he wasn't able to improve on his "2nd best' tag.

AD MISSES OUT ON TEAM LEBANON

Fighter won the Tier3 May 2024 Ladder and pumped Ad in the process. This proved to everyone that Ad is Tier4 and he is below RedAlert1, Fighter and Oldie in the Lebanese rankings. This hasn't deterred our favourite Butler though as he's been seen everyday in lobby swinging his dick around and challenging the likes of KOBA, Dutchy and Toshy to 1v1 Best of Series. I guess a leopard never changes its spots.

That's all for now folks.

Stay tuned. 

CRUSHY 4EVA