Lordy's Lovers

 Lordy has rightfully earned the title of the "Biggest Slut in Red Alert History". 

Since he burst onto the scene as a noob around 2015, Lordy has monkey branched his way to the top of the game by seducing and sleeping with gradually increasingly strong players.

Firstly, as a noob, he joined ORA-boy as he identified Boy as someone to learn from. Over a period of several months he trained with Boy before becoming cocky and arrogant after winning a couple of P4 rush 1v1s and started to look for a new man. See "Shiny object syndrome"  "Shiny Object Syndrome"   

The next man Lordy slept with would be At0m1 around 2017. At0m1 was known as a wise master Yoda figure who kept Lordy in the"Prison wife" position. Lordy was the ideal partner for At0m1 as it enabled him to repeatedly bully him in private Q master 1v1s (he knew he couldn't lose). This created awe and co-dependence in Lordy and he adores At0m1 to this day.

Still, At0m1 was too absent and never online. Often taking year-long breaks from the game. Naturally and quite understandably, this caused Lordy to become restless and need a new man in his life. That man would become of course , Fordy-TA around 2018. Fordy at that point was considered the best player in the world. It was only natural that Lordy would be attracted to him. He seduced Ford by frequently sending him financial donations and plaudits so that Ford would team up with him in tournaments. Hence the word "carrying" was born. Ford was able to carry Lordy on many occasions to many great victories. Lordy to this day still has feelings for Ford.

Ford however had too many mental health issues and would frequently abandon the game. This left Lordy feeling lost and confused as At0m1 would do the same thing - see Pumped and dumped . Mclovin a young maverick up and comer rising to the top of the game was the next player that Lordy was attracted to around late 2019. Over a period of time Lordy seduced and groomed the young Norwegian.  Albeit, you could always tell that Lordy was using Mclovin as a rebound and placeholder and was just waiting until At0m1 or Ford returned so he could monkey branch his way back.

Just like At0m1 and Ford before him, Mclovin too became disengaged with the game. This left Lordy feeling dazed and confused, his 3rd man in a row had left him high and dry, alone without someone to cuddle up to and carry him. Drastic times called for drastic measures and so Lordy started to seduce his mortal enemy, Bea5ty.

Lordy used to hate Bea5ty going so far as to call him an "albanian troll c*nt". He would often bully Bea5ty and abuse him for being unemployed. However, realising that all his other men had abandoned him, Lordy did a full pivot and realised that Bea5ty could make great long term relationship material. And boy what a relationship! OP was born and is going 2 years strong (the longest of any Lordy relationship). OP have achieved many great victories together and Bea5ty has been able to carry Lordy to some amazing wins. This is truly a match made in heaven.

The only problem now is that Gganbu and Dynamic have come along. Bea5ty is no longer the undisputed King of the Mountain and there are signs of him starting to get jealous that Lordy's eyes might be looking elsewhere. Are cracks beginning to show in the OP relationship? How long is it until Lordy can no longer resist the allure of Gganbu or Dynamic? Especially if Dynamic keeps improving and soon surpasses Bea5ty. He already destroys Bea5ty on all standard maps after all. It won't be long until Lordy cannot resist the urge to monkey branch up the ladder once more.

My word for advice to Dynamic would be to beware of Lordy's ambitions and his tendency to seduce, pump and dump, "ejaculate and evacuate". These are not the great foundations of a healthy romantic relationship. He will use you and abuse you until another alpha comes along.

What's next in store for this soap opera?

Which was your favourite Lordy relationship storyline?

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more!

Who is Gganbu?

It is the biggest mystery in Red Alert in years. An unidentified player arrived on the scene and annihilated everyone in 1v1. We will assess some of the clues in order to try to reveal the identity of the player. For example, his 2v2 game doesn't seem as strong as his 1v1 game suggesting a player more used to the early incarnation of the game which was dominated by 1v1 play.

In the May 2022 1v1 Ladder, Gganbu absolutely destroyed the competition. For example his last series with Akame (Bea5ty) he won 6-0 and Cowsmoo (Dynamic) 7-2. He absolutely murdered anyone and everyone who faced him in the May 2022 Ladder and proved himself to be easily the best 1v1 player in the world in 2022. Not even remotely close either as the statistics prove.

So the question is, who is he/she/they?

There have been a range of speculative theories. I'll dive into each of them.

1)Ford - This has been the most obvious suggestion. Ford supposedly retired and announced on his own blog that he had retired from Red Alert. The timing is suspicious and the playstyle of Gganbu tends to correlate well with the old Ford playstyle (extremely strong aggressive early Germany play with insane late game production).

Ford has strongly denied that he is Gganbu and has even posted a video showing himself playing against Gganbu in a one off Ribbon game . Moreover, Ford made a cameo appearance on a discord voice chat server with Leigh and others while Gganbu was playing in 2v2 which seemingly refutes the possibility of Ford being Gganbu.

Of course, Ford is a master of manipulation and it is possible he could have had a close friend login to the Gganbu name and play a few games in order to keep up the disguise so I would not rule out Ford being Gganbu completely. He is definitely one of the strongest candidates based on circumstantial evidence.

On the other hand, having faced Gganbu and Ford many games, I would honestly say that Gganbu's 1v1 play is even better than Ford's was. That could of course be down to practicing and try harding every game in order to reach his maximum level, however.

2) Milo - a strong candidate known for amazing Germany play but less good in 2v2. This fits the profile. Milo specialised in tank production with Germany and standard maps. These are aspects Gganbu excels at.

I would say however that Milo was known to be somewhat passive in his play and was subjected to getting rushed a lot. Gganbu on the other hand is hyper aggressive in his playstyle. Once again, however, this might be down to Milo putting in the practice and adjusting his game after studying his video collection of the most successful strategies. Milo was known to obsess over every detail of the game in order to optimise his strategy. If the meta game in 2022 demanded hyper aggressive light tank play then you could rely on Milo to work it out.

I would say that in my honest opinion, 1v1 Gganbu was definitely stronger than the best version of Milo I encountered so unless Milo put in some improvement then I doubt it was him.

3) Niklas - This old legend was known as one of the best players whoever lived and has many famous maps named after him such as 4c and NSC. Niklas was known to be in correspondence with people in the community as recently as 2021. Known for his exceptional Q tanking and aggressive play, it is not farfetched to opine that Gganbu could be an older version of Niklas returned after decades.

I would say that this is highly unlikely however. Niklas would be much older nowadays having played at the top of the game in the 90s. I do remember Gganbu struggled in his first couple of weeks playing once he appeared suggesting that Gganbu was someone shaking off rust. To conclude, it's highly unlikely that Niklas is Gganbu but it's not beyond the realms of possibility.

4) Lovehandles - I would be amazed if Gganbu is Lovehandles. I know LH well and he finds RA mundane and boring, I really cannot see him dedicating 12 hours per day to Red Alert like Gganbu has done recently. I'd be incredibly shocked if Lovehandles is Gganbu. Literally the only link you could make is that they are both insanely good players. Not enough for me. Pass.

5) RC1985 - This is certainly not impossible .RC was an extremely strong Germany 1v1 player with a great rush. Perhaps the motivation would be to keep a low profile while competing in order to avoid toxic dramas and conflicts with which he was associated in the past. It would not be the first time RC used a hider name (Nutrition) so it's certainly not impossible. I would say, however, that similar to Lovehandles,I can't see RC having the same drive which Gganbu is exhibiting. If I'm honest I do think Gganbu was stronger than peak RC as well but it's not impossible that RC did some secret GQ training. Very unlikely on balance.

6)Ehy - It's definitely not Ehy. Their playstyles are too different. Ehy was very pragmatic, resourceful and strategic. Gganbu plays with his foot to the pedal going extremely aggressive. Think Katsh or Yuzgen suddenly becoming a 1 dimensional SGQ Germany robot, that's how unlikely this would be. It's just not Ehy. Next.

7) At0m1 - This is actually one of the more likely possibilities. Of course At0m1 would hide if playing 1v1 given his personality type (Wizard of Oz vibes). The amazing Q and general tanking and production are attributes associated with At0m1. There is no evidence linking Gganbu and At0m1 however other than the fact that At0m1 has not been seen online for a good while. Not enough evidence to support it but we certainly cannot discount this theory.

8) Mclovin - This is also possible given their extremely high strength in 1v1 play and their ability to Q early and aggressively. McLovin was one of the nicer personalities I encountered on CnCNet however and I really couldn't see him caring enough or going to such extreme lengths to conceal his identity (unless it was a desperate measure to avoid Lordy badgering him to join OP).

9) Faust - The suggestion would be that Faust wanted another shot at 1v1 with Bea5ty and so constructed a new identity and playstyle. I do feel though that Gganbu is even more clinical and a slightly better player 1v1 than Faust so I deem it unlikely. Moreover, Faust was known for his amazing 2v2 teamwork which is probably the weakest part of Gganbu's game.

10) Someone else? Maybe he is just a new RTS player to Red Alert. Perhaps he is someone else from the past not mentioned here such as an old legend such as DeepBlue or JJ? Could Gganbu be the same player as M3mber? M3mber being the rusty version relearning the game? The M3mber player name disappeared from Ladder when Gganbu appeared. Food for thought.

Regardless, perhaps OldPr0 is trolling us all and is actually trying with his new mouse and just steamrolling everyone on Easy Street. Who knows. Maybe we will never know. It's fun to speculate however.

Who do you think it is? If I had to choose I would say it's just Ford mind-fucking us all.

Thanks for reading.

Who are the most talented players I have ever faced?

There is a big difference between someone's actual level and their raw talent. You can be relatively untalented but get to a super high level in this game through sheer hard work, grinding and determination. Milo (aka Blank) is probably the best example of this. He wasn't a top level player the first several years he played. However much like with his weight lifting exploits, he put in the hard time grinding in the practice lab and helped his game to become an elite level. 

I myself am not actually all that talented. I got to a decent level by playing a lot. I have faced many players who ascended at a far faster rate than myself and are clearly more talented in the game. There are many players like myself who got to a high pro level by grinding the 2v2 or 1v1 scene game after game. However you clearly notice when a special talent comes along.

I think what separates the absolute top players from the rest is that they have both. Raw talent and hard work/practice. You need both if you want to succeed at the very top of the game. 

Some of the most talented players I have faced include Jacob and Mclovin. They learned the game at a rapid rate within a couple of years. They were already top 10 level players after 2 years of playing. Mclovin was clearly exceptionally talented from the early beginning. Within his first couple of months playing on Liquid I already thought he was extremely strong. I didn't play for about 2 years before the pandemic and I remember once I returned I found out that the new [Mclovin-TA] was one of the absolute best players in the game on the 1v1 scene. I wasn't at all surprised. McLovin had gone from that raw talented liquid player and grown into an absolute machine with aggressive early Q. 

Similarly, Jacob is clearly extremely talented in terms of raw speed and play. I would say even to this day he is more of a "rough diamond" than Mclovin. Mclovin was definitely the stronger player at peak. I think this is because Jacob is somewhat stubborn and refuses to adapt his game to "standard" or "conventional" build orders. Often he will make plays and deploys which are baffling to other players. Plays that could be said to be "bad meta". Somehow he makes it work but I think it is fair to say he has got to where he is today based on raw speed and talent. He has room for improvement which is quite scary actually.

Faust is another extremely talented player. The guy basically played part time and was still one of the top tier top 3 players in our game when he was active. He would literally disappear for months playing other games, then show up and win tournaments. The guy is freakishly talented and I think if he put in the hardcore milo-esque training he would possibly be the best player in the game. Faust's loss to Beast in their 1v1 match is well documented. I think it highlighted the importance of having both talent/hard work. Beast was putting in the practice and constructed an expert gameplan to dismantle Faust, whereas Faust just basically showed up, played, and got his ass kicked.

Speaking of Beast. This player and his oft compared friend and rival, Mr Ford, are 2 other extremely talented players. Beast makes lots of high level split-group and sneak attack plays which are beyond the skills and capabilities of regular pro players. He thinks on a different level to the regular pro which is what separates him from most of the rest. Ford, too, has an exceptional talent for grasping the mechanics and maths of the game. He is able to create off-beat tactics and make them work. We can thank Ford for revolutionising the GQ aspect of the game in the mid 2010s. These 2 are a great example of how high the level can reach if you have both raw talent and hard work.

Another player to note is the Finnish Grandmaster, At0m1. The zippo master was well known for his rapid ascension to the top of the game. He was already a top 5 level talent tanker within 6 months of playing. However it is true that he did play in a relatively "dead" era of the game. Still it cannot be denied that At0m1's raw grasp of the game is very noticeable, this is evidenced in his videos, which still demonstrate a very high level of play, even by today's standards At0m1 - YouTube  . Still, due to the fact that he didn't really play actively in a competitive era, you could say that we never really got to see the best of At0m1.

Gravediga was also a very talented player. This guy (due in part to my trash-talk and training), rapidly ascended in the game during his peak 2017 era. He had an exceptional grasp of game awareness and was very strong in terms of knowing when to adapt or read the game. The problem the standard pro has is that they will often just play mechanically and hope for something to change (robskate and sputnik are good examples of this). The extremely talented players are able to switch things up on the fly.

I would say even players such as Ehy and NastyNate fall into the more "hard work" than "talented" category. They both reached an extremely high level but it is true that they did play thousands and thousands of games. I think in terms of raw talent there are others out there.

What about players such as RC1985? I would say RC was a bit more like myself. He had a good grasp of the game, but he did pile in the hours and practice hard to reach a high level. There have definitely been players with more raw talent than RC, and I am sure he would agree with this sentiment. Yuzgen is a very talented player but he is limited by raw mechanical speed. It's true that you can see from watching his streams that his brain for the game is exceptional. However his execution falls a little short of the top level because he isn't as fast in terms of production and mouse speed.

Blitz was a very talented player. He had zen level tanking skill. He was also very lazy and refused to properly learn some aspects of the game. I think if he had the same attitude and approach as say a Milo or an RC1985, he would have reached the very top of the game. Dynamic is a hard one to assess because yes he rapidly ascended in the game, however he did play 1000s of games for 6 months, 12 hours per day. He also brought experience in other RTS games to the table. However it was very obvious from very early on that Dynamic's ability in terms of micro play in the game was extremely high.

A final special mention before I reveal the ultimate winner must be given to the Chinese player known as Pinky323. He played very briefly during the early 2010s and I never saw him lose a single game. Even on 2v2 with At0m1 he won with all teams. He was, I believe, some friend or relative of ORA-SAM-wk and was some sort of starcraft2 pro. He was said by the Chinese to be superior to even Yaunger on Chinese Gaming Arcade so you know this guy was the real deal. Still, this was a very long time ago so I can't give him the primary spot.

All of the players I just mentioned pale in comparison to the talent of the "most talented" player I am about to reveal. Myself, RC and Ford have discussed this in the past and there was one player who stood out above all others. A player who basically never played or even enjoyed Red Alert for any substantial period of time whatsoever but who can show up and destroy platinum medal on the first attempt which every other pro thought was impossible at the time. A player whose micro play is second to none and who would easily be the strongest player in the game if he put in any amount of effort. This man/monster/machine is the Danish Tiberian Dawn legend, Lovehandles. Yes, Lovehandles is without a doubt the most talented player I have faced in my time playing competitive online Red Alert. I have not seen any other player compete in games after 3 years of not playing and be able to perform at as high a level as Lovehandles does (he was even able to win some 1v1s against peak Ehy despite not playing for 2 years). Every single other player needs at least a few games to "shake off rust" but Lovehandles just shows up and it's like he never was away. The below video is a great example. Tanja is a top 10-20 level very strong player who was very active a couple of years ago. Lovehandles just shows up after several years of not playing and demonstrates his titanic tanking skills.

To conclude. The answer to this question was actually straightforward. You will probably never get the chance to play with Lovehandles because he doesn't even like Red Alert. That's the scary and sad part. You will struggle to find a more humble and nicer player as well which is even more important.

Thanks for reading.

Ad officially joins #TeamYuz

19th February 2022, Well known tanker Ad (right) went to visit Grandmaster RAM-yuzgen (George Clooney lookalike on the left) for some builder lessons.

Yuz showed Ad how to find the service depot on the side menu and officially inducted him into #TeamYuz.

Yuzgen invites all players to Istanbul and he will show them who is a real man.

The current state of competitive Red Alert 1 [5th February 2022] *IMPORTANT*

 Here we are. Some 26 years after Red Alert 1's release (1996). Some would say we are lucky that the game is still played at all, given the thousands of possible new games players could choose. Most players are now in their 40s having played this game as teenagers or college students. It's pretty cool that some of the best players were not even born when this game was first released! (Jacob and Fordy, among others, for example).  I would say the fact that tournaments and video streaming content still exists for this game is a testament to its greatness. It has truly stood the test of the time. Of all the games from 1996, only a handful are played competitively online at all, and Red Alert is 1 of them. 

Maybe it's too much to ask for more "pro" level players and games given the above. Kids want to play the latest cool games such as Fortnite or COD. Old time players have families or demanding jobs/social lives (Milo, for example) or generally grow out of competitive video games. However, it's pretty sad that night after night for the last few months, it's been the same 10 or so players playing in pr0 2v2 games, and the ladder is pathetic with only really myself, yuz, dynamic, rob, bart, santi and a handful of others keeping it alive. 

This isn't new. In the last 5 years I can only think of 3 people who have gone from "average pro" to "super pro". These are Jacob and Mclovin (3 years ago now), and Dynamic (who was already a super high level player in similar related C&C games, so doesn't really count). So what I'm basically saying is there has been no new blood.

Bart in his last article touched on this subject but he seemed to complain about lack of opportunity. I would actually disagree with him and say it's a lack of effort. I want to officially call out players such as Petersky, Castle, Ahlem and the dozens of other "decent average pros". These guys have all now been playing for years and their playing level has stagnated. They are happy to just play shitty laggy liquid or p4 casual games which mean nothing and don't really increase your skill set.  If even 20% of these guys (yes I'm talking to the Dutchys, Kobas  and BAT-Metzs of the world as well) put in the effort, the game would benefit massively. This is not a difficult game in which to reach a high level. It just requires speed and dedication.  "Practice makes perfect". There's people with 85 IQ scores in the pr0 games (Muadib and Lordy, for example). 

So what's the answer? Pretty simple: put in the effort. No more complaining about lack of opportunities or games being too toxic. You have a very well designed ladder system that was made by volunteers. You can even play anonymously so no one will care if you lose. Everyone loses. Don't care about losing. For some reason people have anxiety about losing in 1v1. It's a game for fuck sake!  I guarantee if you guys put in the effort and started grinding ladder, your overall playing level and drive to get better would increase. Yes you might start off losing to the Yuzgens and Katshs of the world, but it will give you motivation. You will learn, and maybe one day overcome them. You only get better by playing better players and learning from them. You will not get better playing random custom 2v2 games with one dimensional game play. 

Another way to get better is to find a mentor. Study milo's guide here Milo's Red Alert Bible or watch the 100s of pr0 videos on YouTube. 

Then the complaints of "no opportunity" will no longer exist. Once people start seeing you top 5 on the ladder beating up rob and yuzgen, you will get the respect. You will be welcomed in the superpro 2v2 games with open arms. People will be excited to have new players. Bart actually got it wrong in some ways in his article. There's a misconception that the pro games are elitist. Conversely, the pro rooms are realistic. No one wants to play uncompetitive 1.5v2 or 2v1.5. I can guarantee you however that the R3sistants and Leighs of the world would love nothing more than for a guy like TKT-Ahlem to reach the next level and jump in the game.

I hope this message gets across and reaches someone. I don't mean to pick on anyone individually - just using examples. There's so much potential in this game. It's just depressing to see some of these talented players wasting away and not breaking through to the next level. We need new blood to come through and ascend to the top, or the game will indeed die as has been so often predicated by the pessimists as of late.

Imagine a world in which there are 50+ "superpro"s instead of 10. The range and diversity of games. The tournament possibilities. The potential is endless.

I just hope at least 1 person reads this and benefits from this. The game needs some new top level players coming through. If we ever want to see Tournaments again then it is needed. There's not enough decent players to make it worthwhile nowadays.

Thanks for reading. Step up to the plate!