The 5 Most UNDER-RATED players on CnCNet

A list of who I think are the most underestimated players in the game at present. These players have some generalisations about them which are misappropriated so I would like to address this. Enjoy reading. Suggestions in comments welcome.

5. Natu                        

When I published my Player Grades 2020, an anonymous player sent me the following message: "How dare you put Natu above me, this is an insult, fuck your rankings". I told said player that they were welcome to challenge Natu to a Bo9 1v1 and if he proved he was superior then I would swap them. I informed this player that they would be impressed by Natu's improvement over the last year. Unsurprisingly this hasn't happened. Natu deserves to be in the B- tier on my 2020 grades as his improvement has been phenomenal. He is pretty solid on ribbon and P4, and he is especially good on Liquid. I remember a recent 3v3 Liquid game tanking him north and I was like "how is he not dying". I looked in score after game and we were the only ones with 350+ tanks. His improvement is very noted and players such as myself are noticing it. I am tired of people throwing shit at Natu when it is undeserved. He is generally a respectful player and a good representitive of the WP clan. Anyone who doubts him can challenge him 1v1. I think Natu can go even higher as he is just starting to learn to harness his pro abilities. Natu: in 2021 I would like to see you playing in the 1v1 rankings ladder and take your game to the next level. This will silence the doubters completely.

4. Jacob                 

Everyone knows Jacob is an absolute pwnzor on his tank production. However people have a misconception that he is a 1 trick pony. My message to you is to play him on a long game with Germany eg turrets and boats - there is currently no-one better at that type of game with the exception of maybe Ford. Jacob's turrets are made of titanium. Also his soviet long game play is extremely underrated. Watch him go on 10 soviet cys when he rarely does it and you will be extremely impressed. He is a true long game pwnzor.

3. Lordy                

 Because Lordy talks a ludicrous amount of shit, people have him labelled as an arrogant loudmouth English noob. The truth is that Lordy is actually a very good player nowadays and can beat anyone on a random game on 1v1. He has a very good rush. This is why he trash talks like a WWE villain. Lordy is no longer the Lordy_No1 noob that everyone remembers getting embarrassed by Snipe2k1 in 2016. [Lordy-TA] has become a genuine strong player. He still has his bad games, usually when he's been on the Pink WKDs and the fridge is empty. But Lordy's level now in general is very pro and people overlook this because of the amount of garbage trolling that comes out his mouth.

2. Oldpro              

 The official rank 1 most delusional player on Red Alert. However OldPr0 is not as shit as people will have you believe. Amongst all the incorrect perceptions he holds, OldPr0 does occasionally talk some sense. Sometimes the ugly bird does actually catch the worm. For example he is correct that there's a legion of 1-dimensional GQ tankers who can do nothing else and can't adapt eg rushing/transitioning/macro. He is correct in saying he would beat these guys silly in a long game. Look I'm not saying OldPr0 isn't shit because he is. However he is not as shit as the naysayers and his doubters will have you believe. He is very good at certain aspects of the game (specifically 10 cy spam). He's also improved some aspects of his game, such as ore map play and occasional German tanking so kudos to him for trying to put his words into action. It is true that OldPr0 should learn the micro aspect and keyboard use side of the game and he would be a feared opponent for anyone.

1. Bart

Bart is notorious on CnCNet for being a troll who ruins games by driving his MCV across the map or by going migs or yaks. People routinely kick him from the room when he joins 2v2 pro games because of this and his repeat offending. However catch him on a serious day when his Marijuana stock has run out and you will be amazed to find a genuine pro level talent. Especially on maps like North by Northwest and Path Beyond, Bart is a force for anyone. Any random P4 player who thinks Bart is a noob should face him on his own backyard and he will send you to your grave. Bart is the true Yin and Yang of Red Alert. He ventures from being a stoned weirdo bipolar noob who complains about lag in a warp speed game, to being a top 10 standards map player on CnCNet. My message to Bart for 2021 would to try to be serious all the time and leave that bipolar feminist alter-ego of yourself behind for good. Underestimate Bart at your peril...

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more!

Player Focus Series: [1]PeterSky

 

This interview comes with the vastly improving ore map fiend, PeterSky. Peter is a relatively new player on CnCNet but he has quickly risen through the ranks at an alarming pace. He is definitely one of the best players on the map "Liquid" at this juncture. It is my hope that he (and his clan mates) follow Superwario and join the Ladder in 2021. My dream is for a massive ladder player pool with constant regular competition. This interview is perhaps the most detailed and in-depth one yet, I greatly appreciate the time Peter has taken on this [answers in bold]:

 

1) Tell us a little about yourself 

Hi im Peter, I studied modern art. I earn my money with a PR job in an art gallery. In my free time i hang out with my girl, my dog and I love to play ra1. 

2.  Why ra1 and which other games do you play online?

 In the mid 90ies as an 8 year old kid I watched my big brother play campaign mode ra1. He allowed me to play a few times. When I found out about cncnet in Summer 2018 I immediately fell in love again with this game and started as a total noob. I never saw the need to make a remastered ra1. This game is perfect as it is. I even love the south advantage and the ore truck behaviour. I don’t play other games

 3. Who’s your biggest rival? 

 SuperWario, he is my friend but he loves to beat me and I celebrate every win against him. 

Since day one, there has always been a good balance between our levels until today.

 NOOB WARIO JOIN MY ROOM, I AM WAITING ON PATH BEYOND BOTTOM RIGHT

 4. Who you consider to be your best friends on ra1?

 I really like all my [1]clan mates a lot. Besides that, I would mention guys like [BAT]miko, [McLovin-TA], [TB]-blitz, ORA-Jacob, cousinclaus, cousinbeppo, bakenast and Bart

(Apologies to everybody i maybe forgot!)

 5. What is your favourite map and why?

for 1v1 it is path beyond  

for 2v2 it is a bunch of different NastyNate ore and gems maps like for example crabs 

and for 3v3 it is liquid.

4v4 is always shit except maybe jail break

 6. What is your most memorable game? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BXNLPOrMyns

 In that time we (bandb, me and hera) were absolute noobs. Even though we had NastyNate on our team. We started from the right side (which is always a burden) and played against team impossible on Liquid. 

Our opponents were: McLovin, Redalert1, Comm[A]nder and |NC|Shadow. We surprised them with a harmful rush and our next attack waves brought them to heavens gate. That was amazing! Maybe the only game in history when McLovin and Redalert1 teamed up on Liquid and lost a game together.

7. Tell us a little about the history of [e] clan and [1] clan.

The [e] Clan was naturally grown together.  d[e]mon867, h[e]ra and me were the founders. We had invitations from other clans, but we preferred to create something new.  The special thing about [e]clan was that we all were bloody newcomers,that became very quick serious opponents in Pro games.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-PTOeK1TM2o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2Kx--wMJhw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ0ZOZUqcEg&t=123s

This clan really had some beautiful times. (shoutouts to every former [e]clan member!) Soon some ra1 superheroes joined our clan like the Number one player beast, butcher the arena G.O.A.T. and the notorious  ribbon legend stacks. After one year it broke. No matter which former member you ask you will hear different reasons for the end of this clan. My main reason for leaving this clan at the end were some growing disagreements with the other founder d[e]mon.

 Members were:

 b[e]ast, butch[e]r, d[e]mon, [e]ule, h[e]ra, m[e]gajimm, p[e]tersky ,stacks[e]rs, sup[e]rwario and warbring[e]r

After that i played clanless for 6 months or so. In that time i had many games with guys like Dr4g0N_S4N, Uchiha_San and AzN-Loopy SuperWario asked me once a week to create a new clan and at the same time Loopy convinced me to create a new clan aswell. Dr4g0N_S4N called me as a joke sometimes Peter_S4N. I realised that we had a good basis for a new fresh crew with high potential.

The most of the time i enjoyed to be an [e] member but i feel much more comfortable with the [1] Crew to be honest.

The level of gameplay is very high and the gap between the good and the very good [1] players is very small. Our crew is full of well educated well behaved guys. When you beat one of us, we will not complain, cry, blame partner, blame lag and trash talk for 1 hour on the main lobby.  But maybe we will just beat you. [1] aka the unit.

 

https://www.redalert.one/2020/10/1-crew.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_7NbZaT0MQ&t=1s

 Members are:

 [1]CASTLE, [1]Dr4g_S4N, [1]eULe85, [1]hera, [1]kidzero, [1]Loopy, [1]MEGAjimm, [1]PeterSky, [1]SuperWaro

8. Who is your favourite ra1 Streamer/Youtube?

defo NastyBeast, he’s a brilliant player. I would appreciate to see him streaming more often again

 HoHE! HoHE! HoHE          !

9. Which changes would you like to see made to cncnet

CnCnet needs a Clan ladder, this possibility would bring a huge impulse to the community and could be a chance to save our community from eclipse. Also we need a factual ranking system for every player, not just the ranked matches. I mean score statistics of every game.

10. Any final comments?

• Crushyboo I appreciate your work with this blog, even though you´re a controversial author. You already posted some pretty good uploads.
• Cheating on cncnet is just a huge embarrassment.
• Be nice to each other and save this community from going down if you really love this game.

 

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Player Focus Series: Croboy

 

Today's Player Focus Series comes with everyone's favourite drunk Croatian, Croboy aka Crogirl aka CRO PRO BRO. Find this ginger ninja out his face on vodka every night on CnCNet. He is famous for going all in on every map with his light tank rush. He truly is the canonball of Red Alert. So get yourself some alcohol and enjoy the extensive vocabulary of this literary genius [answers in bold]:

 1) Tell us a little bit about yourself and when did you start playing Red Alert on CnCNet?

DINAMO ZAGREB!!!!!!!!!!! ALLE ALLE!!!!!!!!!!!!Around 2012/2013...

2) What is your favourite thing about Red Alert online? 

Winning Crush than he gets crazy :D! :D !!!!!!!!! PLZZZZZZZZZ CROBOY I KNOW U R PRO BUT PLzzzzzzzzzzzzz. GAME WOS NOT OVER. ALLE ALLE! :D

3) Do you play any other games apart from Red Alert?

TABLE TENNIS. Whoever wins drinks next wodka!!!!!!!!! BAMBUS!!!!!!!!! Croboy like to drink and fuck. CRO. PRO. BRO.

4) Who is your biggest rival(s) on your time playing CnCNet?

Depends on map.... many good boy opponents through the years. On P4, many many good games vs Ehy, the best! On Path beyond vs Robskate, on HJK6 vs Katsh. And vs you Crush on many maps.

5) What is your most memorable game?

When I noob fucked up and lost to Katsh 3-2 in P4 tournament finals. FUCK! ALLE ALLE! CRO PRO BRO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

6) Who is your best friend in Red Alert?

Lordy. He is so cool. Love when he is drunk. EZ points on ladder. FKN ANGLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!! FAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1WS1

7) What is your favourite map and why?

GTK. NEVER LOSE!!!!!!! HRVATSKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRO. PRO. BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I Started to play on GTK, many good memories there. It very popular map through all years in Eastern Europe RA scene.

8) What changes would you make to Red Alert/CnCNet?

 That breaking rules must be more punished! Cheating = 1 year AFK! 

9) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/Streamer?

Breakdown. BEAUTIFUL BIG TITS! SEXY! BTW... FUCK REMASTERED!!!! RA1 FOREVER ALLE ALLE!

10) Any final comments? 

Play game for fun. Upgrade your skills + learn from the better players and respect each other.

CRO PRO BRO!!!!!!!!!!!! ALLE ALLE!!!! DINAMO ZAGREB. HRVATSKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CRO PRO BRO!!! 

 

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Player Focus Series: Bart (100% Authentic Version)

 

Kudos to the rogue journalist who gave us all a good laugh with the fake (but deadly accurate) previous Bart "interview". Here is the legitimate 100% Bartzilla verified and approved actual real interview. A rare experience to interview this most cunning of opponents and a wizard of tactical mastery. Known the world over as the best American Red Alert player in history, sit back and relax as we dissect the mind of the man also known as OldPr0 Slayer. Henceforth follows the answers of The Sama, Mr 4-letter-word himself, Bart [answers in bold]:

1) When did you start playing Red Alert?

Late 90s on a PS1. I was at a friend's house who had an older brother that happened to be playing his friend from upstairs on a separate 2nd console via Playstation Link Cable  . (This was unheard of at the time). I started playing on CnCNet 5 in 2015/2016 [around the time Ehy retired - coincidence?]

2) Why do you like Red Alert so much? 

It's free and competitive. The community. But most of all the nostalgia.

3) Which other games do you play?

I've played consoles before  and after Sega, N64 and PS2, but those remain my favourites. Games like Sonic & Mario, Madden, NHL and NBA2k have been staples throughout the years. GTA Vice City, Halo 3, and Marvel vs Capcom 2 were also some of my favourites.

4) Who do you consider to be your greatest rival(s) in your time playing Red Alert?

"What is a rival exactly?" Rivalry - competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field. A rivalry is the state of two people or groups engaging in a lasting competitive relationship. Rivalry is the "against each other" spirit between two competing sides. This is the lifeblood of RA1 on CnCNet5 for competitive play. I've had many during my time playing and I highly suggest to any player to find yourself a rival. To balance this out you will need an experienced and trusted advisor. A mentor. It happens to be a very important position during all aspects throughout a Red Alert career. They can greatly influence your strategy, gamestyle and tactics. [A good example of this would be Katsh and  Yuzgen and their father-son relationship] 

5) What is your most memorable game(s)?

I've played a lot... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oRo9vpO4BM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBnho0ByMXk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQXwqECujLQ

https://www.youtube.com/user/TmarTbawse/featured

6) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer?

I like several:

• Hezb  
• Ford 
• Yuzgen  
• Breakdown 
• RC1985

7) What is your favourite map (s)?  

Keep off the Grass, A Path Beyond,  North by Northwest, Ribbon Isle, 640x400.

8) What tips would you give to other players?

Have fun, take risks, be yourself!

9) Would you like to make any changes to Red Alert/CnCNet?

None to Red Alert itself. It's a classic game. I enjoy playing RA1 against players from all around the world.

Some ideas for CnCNet: 

• Maintain a weekly tournament. 
• Keep the ladder active and updated. 
• Create more learning/teaching videos/blogs and training rooms.
• Podcasts?
• Gameplay commentary + reviews?
  

10) Any final comments?

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next Player Focus Series! Don't forget to Follow!
 

 

Player Focus Series: [TB]Kickn

Today's player Focus Series comes with the Grand Uncle of TB [Tuberculosis/Tesla Builders?] clan, Mr Kicknass. For much of his 20+ year Red Alert career, this Grandmaster was known as a powerful soviet builder who would grind his opponents into submission on P4 2v2. More recently he has undertaken a personality transplant due to a midlife crisis (?) and become a renowned allied tanker. Kickn put the letters SGQ in the Red Alert alphabet and is now known as a Goliath on Qmaster-Max. He revolutionised the foot pedal and harmonica in Red Alert online play. You will now find Kickn working his feet like a ballet dancer on crack as he out-tanks everyone and anyone. So without further ado here is an interview with the muscle (certainly not the brains) of TB: [answers in bold]

1) Tell us a little about yourself...

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood in Sydney, Australia where I learned that respect is not given lightly. In general, I'm a pretty chill guy. I used to be married but I'll never make that mistake again LOL! I like to play video games and chase the chicks in my free time.

2) When did you start playing Red Alert?

I started around 1997/98 on Westwood Chat. I also introduced the game to my cousins and we would play on LAN. I actually used to make maps back in the day which we would play on. These tended to be large gem maps and we would make lots of units. Really fun days which I remember fondly. 

3) Why Red Alert?

I fell in love with the strategy side of it. I guess it's kind of like chess. I always had a logical mind like that.

4) Which other games do you play?

I really like shooting games. So for example Counterstrike 1.0 to 1.6. I've also been a fan of Call of Duty since Modern Warfare 4.

4) Can you tell us a little about how the game has changed throughout the years and different servers?

Sure. So after playing with my cousins and on Westwood for a few years I eventually played at Gamespy and Kali in the 2000s which is where I became a high level player. I made friends with players such as Hitman [RIP] and NastyNate (who was then called FatherRavel) and I joined the HR (Hardcore R****s) clan. These were some really fun times with fond memories and we mostly played P4. P4 came to be popular around the early 2000s and that's pretty much what we played almost exclusively until the last few years.

Recently I've loved expanding my interest into trying new map types and mastering the tanking side of the game and I've been playing more of these game types the last couple of years. CnCNet has been amazing and brought a great competitive side to the game as the player base was a lot smaller during the Kali era.

 5) Who is your biggest rival(s) during your time playing?

I'd have to say that during the Kali and Gamespy eras there was more respect. People tended to be friends with each other. Lordy has brought a large trolling element to the game but you know what - I love him for it! It's made the TA vs TB rivalry really fun and intense. Moreover, it makes beating Lordy and the rest of TA even sweeter, especially since losses to Lordy are extremely rare 😂 so that winning feeling is addictive.

6) Most memorable game? 

Definitely winning the Global Pandemic 2v2 Tournament in the summer (May 2020) with my cuzzy, H3zb. There were 16 teams with the best RA players in the world playing and me and cuzzy took the title. We had some awesome matches along the way and had a hard fought victory against K0bra and Faust in the final. My proudest victory and it was all the better to share it with my cuz.

7) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer and why?

Definitely Lauta because it was great to be able to watch your games after playing and analyse your play. You could see what you did wrong and improve on your play. You could also see what others were doing wrong and devise tactics. It was mostly P4 games on Lauta's channel so I'd love for him to come back and start doing this on the maps we play currently.

8) Favourite map and why?

To be honest. As much as I love maps like Crush's Basement and Qmaster-Max, my favourite map will always be P4. It's the original pro map and it has the most memories for me as I grew up playing it and made many good friends in the community through it.

9) Is there anything you would like to say to the community?

Don't jump to conclusions. Don't assume others are cheating without investigating first. Innocent until proven guilty. Do not spread rumours or do things which can jeopardise someone's integrity. Show respect to each other because it's a small community and we all need to get along. There's a very small player base of pro players and it's very important for the game's survival that everyone respects each other and keeps CnCNet a fun, welcoming place to play. Otherwise people will leave and the game will die.

10) Are there any changes you would like to see regarding Red Alert/CnCNet?

2v2 ladder matches, have two random teams play another 2 random teams on famous maps like Crush basement or p4.

11) Any final comments? 

Yep, like to thank everyone for reading, shoutout to my boys that i play RA with everyday. And EHY if you can just come back and pump a few Pro's that would be nice. Thanks for the interview.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for some more in this series! Don't forget to follow!

 

 

  

Player Focus Series: Fluffy

 

 

Today's Player Focus comes with the cutest and cuddliest player of Red Alert, the one and only Mother Goose. The Fluffinator. Breakdown's kryptonite. Study this player's youtube channel https://www.youtube.com/user/sylviabombs15/videos to unearth some top class secrets such as "the fluffy-method" and to trip out on some acid trance. Get your magic mushrooms at the ready as we delve into the mind of the world famous Fluffy: [answers in bold]

 1) Tell us a little about yourself...

My name is Fluffy, I am a cross between a Canadian goose (my mother), and an English Mute Swan (my father). I was born in the countryside of South Wales, UK, where I hatched 3 days earlier than my siblings. My mother always said I was first to do everything; getting up in the morning, preening my feathers, and simultaneously giving Breakdown's father a reach-around while beak-blasting his butthole.

2) When did you start playing Red Alert?

Fluffy started playing Red Alert at the tender age of 3 days, when Fluffy won her first match against Red Alert Pro - bart. 'Twas an easy match - bart accidentally clicked the "resign" button whilst trying to change the music - classic pro bart move.

3) Why do you like Red Alert so much?

Because life on the farm is tough, there's not much to do. We flap around in the pond for a bit, then eat some bread pieces, maybe lie down for a bit in some hay. Us geese need something more, something of substance. Fluffy & friends find great pleasure and meaning in making fun of breakytheSlut, the slug of CNCNET.

4) Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing?

The question is a bad one, and obviously framed by a small-penised individual, most likely with an Irn-Bru addiction.  Fluffy cares, for her subjects and heirs; therefor fluffy haz no enemies, silly goose.

5) What is your most memorable game?

That would have to be the glorious and unforgettable game of July 2018 when fluppy and certified nub MADTANK beat photon and beast on pee four. It caused such a commotion in the RA community that fonfon (photon) was soon thereafter featured in fluffy's best selling and award winning documentary series entitled the CNCNET Chronicles.

6) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer?

Break is. Because fluffy like to watch break smoke methamphetamines on livestream and fumble around like an overgrown tumor filled with piroline cream. Second would be beast, as nothing is more satisfying than watching beast lose to the likes of [A]Rusher, [A]Panlo, or [A]Blank or any member of [A] clan actually. 

7) What is your favourite map and why?

Rasta Pro Aron because floppy grew up on this map, and became pro because of this map.

8) What is the single best tip you would give to other players?

Seek out the fluffy-method. 

9) Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert/CnCNet?

Permanently banning players from Peru (dolche im looking in ur direction son) 

10) Any final comments?

Don't leave any garlic lying around if cap is near, you will never see that garlic again, alive. Also, type "a" 3 times fast in main lobby if u want additional icons/badges like fluffy has. <3

 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next insalment! Don't forget to Follow!

 

 

 

 

Player Focus Series: Fighter

(Fighter at his local gay bar) 

Today's Player Focus series comes with the Lebanese assassin, Fighter. Find Fighter playing the 1v1 ladder on CnCNet and he can also be found frequenting the team game tournaments. I was fortunate to partner with Fighter and his lover Bart in a 3v3 Liquid tournament during the summer in which we slayed the team of Ford, Yuz & Lordy. A loss which still haunts that trio to this day. Ford hasn't played in a tournament since Fighter demolished him in that game due to crippling anxiety. Fighter is an opponent who keeps you on your toes and will catch you offside if the opportunity presents itself. His play-style is like a hawk flying through the sky looking for mice to feast on. [answers in bold]:

1) Tell us a little about yourself and when did you start playing Red Alert?

I'm 37 from Beirut, Lebanon. i started playing around 1998 until 2001 in a network shop in the neighbourhood. Around 2016 I heard about CnCNet and that Red Alert online play was still alive and well, so I downloaded it ASAP. I even fixed my broken PC for this purpose lol.

2) Why do you like Red Alert so much?

I like it because it's the most strategic game one can play.

3) Which games do you play apart from Red Alert, any other interesting hobbies?

Mmm nothing else really, some stupid games on my phone when I'm too lazy to sit by my laptop. 

4) Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing?

I think it would be Butcher (Arena games), he used to beat me more but I was still improving. I haven't played him at all recently, I think the results would differ now, maybe 50/50.

5) What is your most memorable game?

My most memorable games are on Arena (I've only started to play other maps quite recently). There are many games so I can't choose a particular one, most of these were with cousinleigh I believe, before he abandoned me to go play with the 2v2 pros.

6) Who is your favourite YouTuber/streamer?

My favourite is bart with his funny games and titles. I also liked your interview video series, Crush.

7) What is your favourite map and why?

Arena, then A Path Beyond. In Lebanon we only played Arena with aftermath settings all the time. Aftermath has more brain, less fast clicking, less fast shifting. I hate all the WER shit.

8) What is the single best tip you would give to other players?  

My tip would be to just play with better players and you will improve your game. You'll be at least as good as them one day. Champion mentality.

9) Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert/CnCNet?

I don't know if it's possible, but it would be great to have the ability to watch recordings of the ladder games after they are played.

10) Any final comments?

Weird... Bart is improving 😮!

 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more in this series! Don't forget to Follow!

     
     

Player Focus Series: cap^

Today's Player Focus series comes with everyone's favourite creepy Hungarian, Mr Cap^. A proud board member of CnCNet 4am Alien Chat, find Cap^ lingering in the Keep off the Grass and P4 rooms. By day he can be found lost in a bong cloud and researching existential philosophy. [answers in bold]:

1) When did you start playing Red Alert?

1996, missions and skirmish, but I joined online play on CnCNet in December 2015.

2) Why do you like Red Alert so much?

I don't have a good answer to that. [00.21]<[> a retarded baboon can play this 25 year old game with barbaric graphics.

3) Which games do you play apart from RA?

I love builder games, my all time favourites are Rollercoaster Tycoon 1 and Transport Tycoon, but recently I got hooked on Cities Skyline.

4) Who do you consider to be your greatest rival(s) in your time playing?

I don't have rivals, but since the majority of my 1v1 games were against bart on KOTG, I consider him to be my worthy adversary.   

5) What is your most memorable game?

Definitely with Crush against two top pros (forgot exactly [Lauta & Soul?]) on P4 2v2. Crush was playing Allied, the rest of us were Soviets. He did an early deploy and light tank rushed them, slowing them down while I could gain momentum to spread out with building. He took my depot and later a CY and went early CYs with dual faction techs. Thereafter followed an early Chronosphere with Tesla, simultaneous with helis and tanking. I just moved south step by step and we won. I've never seen this tactical feat from any player ever since.

6) Who is your favourite  RA YouTuber/streamer?

Breakdown, Lauta and Ford.

7) What is your favourite map?

Keep off the Grass (KOTG) and King of the Hill (KOTH).

8) What is the single best tip you would give to other players?  

Play with players that you like, try to avoid the assholes and don't take it too seriously. 

9) Are there any changes you would like to make to Red Alert/CnCNet?

• Anti-cheating mechanisms could and should be more sophisticated.  
• More admins and moderators are needed and would be beneficial.
• A less toxic pro scene to keep more aspiring players interested.

10)a) Would you like to give a shoutout to anyone?

Bart for the KOTG 1v1s, Gin for the countless random Bo3 games and Stacks for being hilarious.

10)b) Any final comments?

Break's momma is so fat she once squished a mammoth tank.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more of this series! Don't forget to follow!

 

Player Focus Series: ORA-Boy

 

This interview is with the humble leader of ORA-clan, ORA-boy (aka ORA-speed). Boy inherited the clan from his father [ORA-rock] and ORA has existed at the top of the game throughout all eras and servers of Red Alert. It truly is the greatest clan in Red Alert history and it is an honour for me to represent it alongside the best German tanker in the world at the moment, ORA-Jacob. All other clans fell by the wayside due to longevity or internal politics but ORA has stood the test of time for 25 years, cementing Boy's legendary status in the Red Alert history books. Here follows a very interesting Player Focus with the strongest player [and reigning 3v3 World Champion] I've interviewed so far [answers in bold]:

1) Tell us a little bit about yourself...

I'm a normal guy who works a steady job, live with my girlfriend and I play RA on my spare time.

2) Which year did you start playing RA online, and which servers? 

I started playing in 1996 when i was on vacation at my Aunt and Uncle's. My Uncle played Red Alert on Mplayer under the name Xtreme or TDS-Xtreme. I asked him if i could play and i was hooked. When i went home he bought me the game and my dad [ORA-rock] put it on our computer, we started out on Mplayer and played 1vs1 games on Westwood. 

3) Why RA in 2020? Do you play any other games or have any other interesting hobbies?

I do not play any other games online although I used to play quake 2, counterstrike, renegade. But that was a long time ago. These days it is only Red Alert, the game has a nostalgic hold on me. Being the leader of a clan I worked very hard to become a member of is also why I still play, my clan is family. As far as other hobbies, I play drums and guitar, I play with my pets alot I have a dog and 2 cats and and aquarium and I spend alot of time going places with my girlfriend. 

4) Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing Red Alert?

It's strange because I really never had major rivals I only had random haters like Bravo as an example when he called out ORA randomly when he had C clan. Or Mafia when he kicked people out of ORA just to create X with the same members he kicked out of ORA and then there is Lordy_TA. When that guy was a green pea and couldn't play a lick he asked me for guidance so I played him in a lot of 1vs1. Lordy kept improving as my training went on, the first game he ever beat me I was very proud of him and he starts bashing me in the lobby and I was done. But I'm a nice guy and I gave him a chance in ORA and one day after he beat me in a 1v1 game he started bashing me again. So from there I removed him from ORA and washed my hands of him.

5) What is your most memorable game ever?

There are a few games that come to mind. One is my three tryout games to join ORA against ORA-jungshin and ORA-ssanai. Another would be the games ORA played and won against Mafia's X clan and Bravo's C clan which led to both clans' ultimate destruction. And the many many games I played with old school pros like Mastermind1, Sojupower, Milo, Aloli, Galgu, Ssanai, Mage and my father. All of those people were very helpful to me in RA.

6) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer?

https://www.youtube.com/user/CrushRAVids/videos

7) What is your favourite map and why?

V3 ribbon. you have to be on your toes playing this map because you can win/lose by land and sea. You have to manage your ore trucks throughout the entire game. It is a map based purely on skill and it is great for 1vs1 or 2vs2.

8) What is the best tip you would give to other players?

Be quick and if you have to stop to think then you already lost the game. Learn the keyboard functions and how to tank properly before you start messing with building. Once you master tanking then you can master building and that's how you become great.

9) Are there any changes you would make to Red Alert/CnCNet?

 If there is a way to automatically get the gold medal after you win the gold medal map that would be great because I should've had the medal like 10 times now. I want to be an admin. I want KOTH King of the hill tournaments. I want Case's Ladder to be the website we use for ladder games.

10) Any final comments?

Thank you for the interview and for being a part of the greatest RA clan in history.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for some more great content! Don't forget to follow!

 

 

Player Focus Series: cousinad

 

Today's Daily Focus comes with the current (self-proclaimed) best player in cousin clan, Ad! Ad honed his skills in the Liquid ranks dueling with such warriors as bakenast, gumboot and mclovin before perfecting his Q-tanking and venturing out into other game types. He can now be seen regularly in the pr0 2v2 scene. Ad is known for doing his tanking job, all he needs is a good builder and will win any 2v2 tournament. Kickn wasn't good enough (!?) so next time when he gets Dany or OldPr0 he will take that 1st-placed badboy home. So here is an impossible interview [answers in bold]:

1) Which year did you start playing Red Alert online?

I started playing in 2017 for several months then stopped and returned back in 2019.

2) Why do you like RA so much?

It's addictive and it is the best strategy game ever!

3) Which games do you play apart from RA? Any other interesting hobbies?

Shooting games such as Battlefield V.

4) Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing?

Everyone, but especially Lordy since he always wants to Bo9 me.

5) What is your most memorable game?

The game Kickn let me down on T-dawg in tournament semi-finals. If he did his building job we would have won. I out-tanked my opponent.

6) Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer?

Ford

7) What is your favourite map?

Liquid

8) What is the single best tips you would give to other players?

Stay away from toxic players and never argue.

9) Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert?

Server improvements.

10) Any final comments?

First time I ever played this game was in 1998-1999 when I was around 9 years old and I've been addicted ever since!

 

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for more of this series! Don't forget to Follow!

Player Focus Series: [BAT]N8Diaz

Today's Player Focus comes with the SGQ Psychedelic N8Diaz of BAT clan fame. Diaz is a proud island boy with a passion for the UFC and its fighter Nate Diaz, which is where he takes his player name from. Get yourself some Pink WKDs or Bacardi Breezers and join this streamer's acid party at https://www.twitch.tv/batndiaz several nights per week. An assortment of bong cloud musical compositions await you, as well as some extra pr0 tanking games. Diaz also offers some excellent Red Alert tips on his youtube channel which you should check out https://www.youtube.com/c/NateDiazRA1/videos .In fact, he is known as the 2nd best Red Alert coach/expert in the world behind [GOD]OldPr0 at present. So without further a do, let's pose some questions to this tanking behemoth: [answers in bold] 

1. Which year did you start playing Red Alert?

I first played in 1997 at a mate's house and I had to get a copy.

2. Why do you like RA so much?

Not sure why I like it, it can't be the amazing graphics! Back in the day, it was the best RTS game out there so I was amazed to learn about the CnCNet community 20+ years later, and nostalgia brought me back. It's easy to learn but hard to master, so there's always some skill to improve.

3. Which games do you play apart from RA, or any other interesting hobbies?

I just downloaded Bloons 6, what a bad mistake! Now I'm addicted to 2 games!

4. Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing?

I haven't played many 1v1 games since returning, but I rarely turn down a challenge. Lordy and ORA-Sam_WK tend to challenge me the most. 

5. What is your most memorable game?

On Rasta 2v2, my partner [BAT]Hrvatzka steals my Construction Yard before I have a War Factory. I'm like WTF, but he proceeds to kill our 2 opponents with the gained tempo.

6. Who is your favourite RA YouTuber/streamer?

My favourite RA channel is RAWatcher by the guy who made the map Rasta. There's some 10+ year old games there which are interesting to watch. 

7. Favourite map?

My favourite map is T-Dawg by NastyNate. Allied tankers can keep Soviet builders under siege until they run out of cash.

8. What is the single best tip you would give to other players?

My single best tip is to click your mouse faster. Get your buildings down with a swift mouse movement and click super fast. Click that 'make tank button' ASAP.

9. Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert?

I'd like to see a clan league and the Allied country bonuses fixed as Westwood intended.

10. Any final comments? 

My plan is to tell them all "F**k You!" then hopefully we will all get along soon, and let's get back at it. That's my plan.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next instalment in the coming days! Don't forget to Follow!

 

 

 

 

Player Focus Series: K0bra1

Today's Player Focus is with the current English number 1 (much much much better than Lordy, like a shark vs a goldfish). England would still easily lose to Scotland so it's all good - not just at Red Alert, but at football and rugby too. K0bra lad: [answers in bold] 

1.a Tell us a little about yourself 

I’m 35 from Leeds (Leeds Leeds!) England, UK.  Played RA on and off for 20+ years.  Every time I take a break, usually years, I always end up coming back.  I’ve finished Top 20 WW ladder, top 20 cases ladder (both MPlayer and GameSpy) and of course CnCNet Ladder, however I don’t enjoy 1v1s like I used to. 

Previous clans; BBMFIC, ORA, Team-UK, DK, HR, C, TA and [A] clan. 

1.b Which year did you start playing RA?

I played C&C on MS Dos back in the day, then moved to Red Alert played a few skirmishes before playing online on Westwood online and MPlayer.  So the very early days of RA!

2. Why do you like RA so much?

For me I have muscle memory engraved into me for all the years playing it, for me its like riding a bike.  It’s simple, yet there is quite a bit of tactics sometimes involved. 

3. Which games do you play apart from RA? or any interesting other hobbies?

RA of course until MPlayer died I played CS 1.6 competitively with lynxx. (online leagues, LAN tournaments around the UK etc).  Still play a bit of CS:GO every now and then.  Along with RA Remaster, AoE2 and a bit of C&C Rivals. 

4. Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing?

I’m not really the type of person to have rivalries, I let the super pros battle those out.  Although on MPlayer myself and ORA-lynxx had many good 2v2s vs Neutralman and I forget his partners name, where we would just talk smack and play lots of super hyped up games from all the sh1t talk.

5. What is your most memorable game?

The most memorable game would be P4 (original 4v4 version) tournament on MPlayer.  Myself, lynxx, Neutralman and Maddux got to the final vs Ashej, pr1ze, doja and fallenangels. We ended up losing as Ashej light tanked some trucks and didn’t notice until 0 credits, super annoying.  But this was a HUGE 4v4 tournament with all the best clans entering multiple teams; one of the largest tournaments MPlayer had from memory on sheer volume of players. 

6. Who is your favourite RA youtuber/streamer?

Got to be Beast.  He can tank, build, jew (term for base trade), SGQ, play all maps so it's good to pick up improvements and add to your own game.

7. What is the single best tip you would give to other players?

Watch some pr0 streams and games.  Practice Q nubenators, make sure you use at least 2/3 book marks and learn how to build. RA is simple that the more you play, the better you will get.  Also trying different maps is a must. Standards will give you pro ore management whilst P4 will give you the chance to practice v2 spam and tesla shifting.

8. Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert?

I think leave it as similar to the original as possible (with bug fixes).  If I were to change anything, I would make the A bomb more powerful.  Also change E so it does not select trucks as that is quite annoying when shifting. 

Additionally, Tournaments run by CnCNet would be good.  MPlayer had tournaments (monthly) ran by moderators / admins.  They were always super hyped up and felt OFFICAL (not just random challenge tourneys); you would get a crown next to your name in the lobby so everyone knew you were the true PwNZeR!.  Next month its all up for grabs again.

9. What is your favourite map and why?

This is quite a hard one. My favourite standard was always A Path Beyond. 

Northern Hatu for Gems. (right now T Dawg is fun)

I always liked unlimited ore open maps such as Wideopen by Farmir, but Goldrush Open is quite enjoyable in the current map pool. 

10. Any final comments?

“Keep calm and on tank”

Thanks for Reading! I have several of these interviews lined up so there will be more content in the coming days! Don't forget to follow! 

Player Focus Series: Yuzgen

 

A world exclusive interview with the Turkish Rambo. Such an honour to interview the man who once broke a man's nose with a fist. Yuzgen has acquired his skills through years of experience  and through adapting his  bare-knuckle fighting skills to Red Alert. He is famous in his homeland for being an author of erotic literature and for being a real life version of Guile from Street Fighter. Find him on CnCNet or https://m.twitch.tv/yuzgen where he can be seen slaughtering and ho-hoing at the latest generation of puppies. [Answers in bold] 

1. When did you start playing Red Alert? 

1996

2. Why Red Alert? 

I dislike 3D RTS games. RA is the best of 2D RTS's.

3. Which games do you play apart from RA? or any interesting other hobbies?

War Thunder Ground Forces and chess at FICS. I'm interested in computers.

4. Who do you consider to be your greatest rival? 

Katsh. I played and enjoyed more games than anybody against him and learned a lot.

5. What is your most memorable game?

Sol3 underestimated me before a 2v2 P4 game. I took his powa with nades and it was GG.

6. Who is your favourite ra youtuber/streamer?

Ford

7. Favourite map?

HJK

8. What is the single best tip you would give to other players?

Know your enemy

9. Are there any major changes you would make to Red Alert?

Remove GQ. Back to Q skills.

10. Any final comments?

I'm the NastyKiller. Oooooo!

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next edition which shall feature a British carnivore who feasts on live mice. 

Player Focus Series: OLDPR0

This is the first instalment of the "Player Focus" series which is an idea stolen from AFO-Thndr's blog from 2015. I've lined up a slam dunk of a first Player Focus as the player with the best forehead in Red Alert takes the spotlight. Meet the poker predator, the one and only self-proclaimed "fastest clicker in Red Alert", [GOD]OldPr0 (answers in bold):

1. Tell us a little about yourself, and which year did you start playing RA online?

 I'm a 34 year old from Montreal. I used to play red alert as a little kid skirmish's for fun. but then put the game away to play other consoles. n64 etc. but then later in life i got back into red alert online, only to take another big break. only to come back again probably around 2015.

2. Why Red Alert? Do you play other games online?

I always liked red alert because it is strategy and logical based. as a child i was a chess prodigy master. so anything in that area i enjoy. chess, backgammon, red alert. no i dont play other games online. not even playstation anymore.

3. Who do you consider to be your biggest rival(s) in your time playing on cncnet?

i dont really have a rival, because i dont really give a fuk about this game. yea it is frustrating and i do show emotion for wins or losses sometimes. but in reality, i cudnt care less. if you want to talk about my skillset, im a builder mainly. so of course my rivals would be the best builders. (beast, hezb, kikn, dany) but i like them all personally so not really rivals.

4.  What is your most memorable game?

hmmm thats a tough one. i smoke too much weed so i forget, but it probably was around 4 years ago when I played a lot with super good players like lauta sol3man etc. a lot on p4 and would mostly lose. at some point i started holding my own playing with them so that must have been a turning point for me. 

5. Who is your favourite RA Youtuber/Streamer?

To learn from id say beast and ford. most stuff ill already know but theres always here and there stuff i can learn. hezb is up there too but i already know what he does, hes just a good fast player to watch. of course theres yuzgen ill watch here and there. i can say ive learned some money management skills from him. Of course breakdown for entertainment purposes (until I cant take his shitty music anymore and have to close it)

6. What is the single best tip you would give to other players? 

everything starts with knowing what to do, and then doing it. until you are 100% confident in what you should do, what youre doing, and then executing it, you cant become a good player. once youve achieved that, then you can incorporate mid-game decisions to adapt to what your opponent is doing in order to win.

7. What is your favourite map and why?

it's obviously p4 for many reasons. that happens to be the map i enjoy most when it is 4 pros, because it incorporates all of the skills like every other map, except it adds "speed and endurance". yes the money part of that map isnt as important as others, but it is a great map to learn on. as well, there arent many maps where i can say germany and ukraine both have equal merit. Additionally, the timing of the map is great. the rush vs the defend, the cy vs the helis etc.

8. Are there any changes you would make to Red Alert?

sure. cncnet lobby is obviously VERY outdated visually. im grateful we have it, but it could use a face lift. as well, i would enjoy a lot of stats, rankings, etc. about games and players and teams etc. analytics are cool and just make everything for fun. a cool feature to add also would be the "random map" feature for 1v1 2v2 3v3 4v4...it would even make bo9 that much more exciting.as for the game itself? no...dont change anything...just enforce the hell out of people who are cheating. i just wish there was somehow a new influx of players. maybe from remaster, im not sure. the problem is new players see the out-dated cncnet lobby and cringe. a facelift of that would entice new people to be more than just a one and done.

9. Do you want to give a shoutout to anyone?

i would like to thank crush for being the voice of this dead game. apparently RC fell off a singaporean boat. so we got crush now =)

10. Any final comments?

steamrolled. gg.

Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for the next instalment of "Player Focus with Uncle Crushy". Don't forget to follow!

 

 

Hiders Busted

 Uncle Crushy is a part time detective. I'm a massive fan of Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot so busting hiders on Red Alert comes naturally to me. I'm autistic savant level at pattern recognition so there are some blatantly obvious things I notice in hiders' play which reveals their identity to me.

My brain is like an encyclopedia having played thousands of games so I can identity players just from their style of play. For example if I see grenadiers and 4 soviet tanks rushing before a depot I know I am against H3zb. Or if I see 8 light tanks and a sold CY I know I am against Croboy. Some other clues are not so obvious... For example Dolche always scatters engineers around his CY and likes to build his ore ref nice and compact. Ford will make 1000 rifle infantry and will put groups of 5 south and north so I can always identify him just by this distinctive clustering of "parties of 5". Part of what makes me the legend that I am is that I mix up my play style from day to day so as to keep my opponents guessing. I'll mix up playing Soviets and Allies and I'll mix up rushing or tanking just to keep them on their toes. I don't want to be like Katsh and be instantly identified by a silo cockblock or teslaing on every map.

Here are some hiders I have busted in 2020, and also some "down the rabbit hole" theories on some others.

1) Uchicha/Pr1de = At0m1.

Had you logged in to CnCNet January to March 2020 before the global coronavirus lockdown you would have seen At0m1 religiously practicing platinum medal or test 2.5 all day everyday. When the lockdown happened At0m1 disappeared into the shadows and a player called Uchicha-San surfaced. Uchicha was clearly a top level tanker and claimed to be an old pro from MPlayer. Interestingly the only pro who remembered him was NastyNate (one of At0m1's best mates who would definitely cover for him). Players like Robskate had never heard of Uchciha from the old days. I'd like to think that if a player of Uchicha's calibre was around in 2002 then he would be remembered just as well as players such as Aloli and Niklas. 

At0m1 hasn't been online for 6 months. Do you really believe he hasn't played Red Alert during a lockdown in that whole time? Especially in Finland where there's not much to do so he would be locked up all day. It makes perfect sense for him to hide. He can play without having to risk the reputation of the legendary At0m1 name and he can practice GQ as well with a free pass. There's also no Gyu type waiting to upload any of his losses. It's definitely in his interests to hide. 

Uchicha and At0m1 have a remarkably similar style of play. Both are awesome Q tankers. I remember discussing build orders with At0m1 and Uchicha follows At0m1's build orders exactly on P4 and Ribbon. Power, barracks, advanced power before ore ref. Mostly every other player makes ore ref straight after barracks. If you watch Uchciha and At0m1's play they are remarkably similar. 

The At0m1/Uchicha P4 build order. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The biggest clue that Uchicha is At0m1 is language. Uchicha claims to be American and have a USA flag yet speaks in broken English. He also slipped up by using At0m1isms during chat such as the famous "xD" emoticon and saying "yo wud up". 

Uchicha is At0m1. If you think otherwise then you believe the fairytale that Uchicha started playing out of nowhere and was already a top tier tanker having played 20 years ago despite nobody remembering him. You are also taking a leap of faith that At0m1 hasn't played Red Alert in the last 6 months despite being locked in his cold Finnish house all day. There's only so many zippo tricks he could do without wanting to pwn Lordy with xtra pr0 Q. 

The final biggest piece of evidence that At0m1 is Uchicha is Milo. At0m1 raved about how legendary his coach Milo was for over a decade. Do you really think At0m1 wasn't going to come online for a sniff of the sacred Milo jockstrap when the chance presented itself? Indeed Blank and Uchicha had many good Qmax and Hjk6 games during the summer. 

Xtra Pro Q nubsense xD

2) DragonSan = Sol3|Man|

I don't need to go into as much detail with this one since it's very closely related to At0m1 being Uchicha. Essentially Dragon surfaced at the same time as Uchicha. He is not quite as good as Uchicha but still a very strong player. Dragon does certain hybrid builds that instantly remind me of Sol3. The Finnish maestros are good friends in real life so it seems very plausible that hiding as 2 American brothers would make sense. Alternatively, Dragon could be D|zzy but I find Sol3 to be a more plausible option. He is definitely a hider and a friend of Uchicha/At0m1 either way. 

3) ZhangWei/RushyBoo = Herm

It's just him alright lol. You can tell by the slight VPN delay but you can also tell by how much he owns. Herm owns everyone in building on gem maps when not rusty. Rushy is the same. Pumped Beast in our crumpet game in tournament and only a handful of players are capable of that, Herm is one of them. ZhangWei also won the 1v1 Ladder playing Herm's distinctive style and owning. Very clever to adopt the Rusher name. ORA-Rusher was an average level tanker who played in 2016 for a while then disappeared. How convenient to adopt his name and pretend to have evolved into a true pwnz0r. The timeline doesn't make sense and that's how you know RushyBoo is Herm. There's more chance of Lordy and Breakdown adopting a low calorie vegan diet than RushyBoo/ZhangWei not being Herm. 

4) Mclovin = Mazell

Once upon a time before Mazell was known for being a cheater, he was a good tanker just like everyone else. Mazell and Mclovin are roughly the same age. They are also both Norwegian. Illuminati confirmed? How likely is it that 1 top level Norwegian tanker disappears and then another 1 comes along with a whole new identity a couple of years later? Mclovin ground out the Liquid rooms but was already a top level player when he did venture out into gem maps and unlimited ore. I smell something fishy and it isn't the sweat from Milo's jockstrap. 

5) Bart  = Ehy

I know this one is obvious so I'll just cover it briefly. These 2 titans (4LW and 3LW) never met in the ring but dominated the competition to the same extent. Ehy's retirement coincides with Bart's first venture into the battle arena. I'm sure everyone would agree that Bart has reached a level only Ehy is capable of so logic deducts that they must be one and the same. 

Thanks for reading. Stay tuned for more storytime with Uncle Crushy! In the meantime check out Aunt Ford's blog https://c9andrewford.blogspot.com/?m=1

Most annoying things in Red Alert (Part 1)

 There are some things in Red Alert online play which really trigger me and speed up my hairline recession. I'll outline a few of these below.

1) Shifting ore trucks 

Omfg! I love to e-shift my tanks and bring them to the battlefield. There is nothing more annoying than an ore truck being a retard and getting in the way. This is an especially bad problem on Crush's Basement map where the ore truck drivers get drunk too easily. It is also especially painful on ore maps because your money problems will be accentuated. There is nothing that makes me want to Lordy-ogre-headbutt my computer screen more than my ore truck getting shifted along with my tanks. It releases my inner rage. I want to yell at the trucks "man fuck off back to your gems ffs" during the game. 

 2) Spectator cockblock

Nothing irritates me more than a selfish prick refusing to play instead of speccing when there is an odd number of players, eg if 3 waiting on 1 player for 2v2. If this player specs for 1 game then I can let it slide, but when the 3 warriors are waiting for more than 10 minutes and this 4th inconsiderate arsehole insists on speccing because of eating/painting his nails/checking tinder then I enter malding mode. I get really frustrated and end up either logging out or going to play ladder. Please do not spectate excessively as it is bad for my anxiety levels. A particularly enraging version of spectator cockblock is when someone wins ONE game and plays only 1 game then insists of speccing the rest of the night: just play you cunt. 

3) 1 or 2 annoying tanks in your base

I love doing this tactic to other people as I know how annoying it is. It is so distracting to have 1 half dead light tank running around your base while you are trying to execute your build order and fight on the battle in front. You are consciously under extra stress and your focus is averted because in the back of the mind you are aware there might be a light tank sitting in your ore ref or attacking your ore truck. This light tank is like a flea you can't swat. Super super annoying. A brilliant tactic, but annoying. 

There are many more things which fucking piss me off. I'll continue this list as part of a series. 

Part 2 to follow...

The number 1 cause of hair loss among Red Alert players

 

If you have played competitive online Red Alert on CnCNet then you will no doubt have encountered the horrible disease known as LAG. 

Picture the scenario. It's 630pm, you have just worked 11 gruelling hours and had a quick dinner. You want to relax and pwn some TA or WP members to unwind. You identify a Goldrush 4v4 room in the CnCNet lobby which has a few pro player names in the game room so you think it looks quite fun and decide to join... You select your colour and your faction and the host launches... You then build your power plant and barracks and the game abruptly freezes. A sudden feeling of dread comes over you and makes your buttocks muscles clench. It is your worst fear. It is LAG. An innocent teammate of yours then identifies the lagger in chat "fu AF-Uzi fix conn u lag". The suspicion is confirmed when the "Waiting for... AF-Uzi" message appears in the chat line. Red player gets frustrated and aborts. 2 more follow. That 4v4 Goldrush game you were looking forward to playing has been cancelled and you are left naked in the lobby feeling disappointed, anxious and frustrated. To makes matters worse you try to join abacus' 2v2 ribbon room so you can flex your pro Q but the game room is already closed. Because of the lagger you now wait 30 minutes before you can get a game.

We've all been there in the pit of despair of being a victim of lag. I truly sympathise if you suffer from this illness. It can attack your immune system in various ways. 

Another lethal symptom of LAG disease is its unfortunate viral ability to discredit your wins. Imagine grinding out a 2 hour p4 game in which you are finally getting on top after withstanding a barrage of helis and chronospheres and victory is within reach, when suddenly lag afflicts a player within the game. The game disconnects due to server time out and your opponents dispute your adamant claims of "never mind we were going to win ez anyway, we had it for sure". Your opponents' reluctance to accept defeat in such a scenario shall likely induce hospital level stress levels resulting in grade 3 hair loss. 

While there is no outright vaccine to prevent LAG in games, there are some protocols which can help keep this disease at bay:

• Avoid playing with players from a far away geographical locus. For example, avoid games with South Americans or Chinese if you are in Europe. 
• Avoid known laggers who have shit conn, examples; Uzi, Siri, M3, Diga etc. 
• Avoid 4v4 games with an assortment of players whom you do not recognise. No doubt at least 1 of them will have shit conn. 
• Invest in extra pr0 int3rn3tz so you can ensure that you yourself do not spread LAG. This has the added benefit of allowing you to peacock your Pro ping to other players and cement your place as an alpha male and true pwnz0r.
• Choose 1v1 games over team games if they are available as the latency between 2 players will be minimal. Even people with the absolute shittest conn can be bearable to play with in 1v1. 
• Type !Spec to coldheartedly banish spectators from the game if there are any signs of impending lag. 
• Identify any known laggers to the game room host prior to game launch in order that they may kick that shit to fuck and stop the room from becoming LAG infected. If you are the game host then ban as quickly as possible to suppress the virus. 
• Most importantly, inform an infected person that they are a lagging cunt and tell them to fuck off and reset router and stay away from your games. Protect your fellow players to suppress this disease. 

If we work together and maintain safe social distancing and follow the advice given here we can beat this LAG virus. Together we can overcome this and life will get better.

Please keep your games LAG free and make your Uncle Crushy a happy little PonyBoo. 

Thanks for reading and don't forget to Follow! 

Red Alert Poll Results: 2020

Everyone loves a democracy so here are the poll results from the CnCNet Elections this year.