Beware of #FakeNews

Rumour has it that a rival publication has emerged in an attempt to usurp my market leading conglomerate. 

Beware of the imposter "blog" written by the Canadian Noodle Lover's alter ego. All you will find over there is fake news. That's the CNN of RA over there.

Right here is where you are brought real shit shot straight from the hip.

I'll tell you everything you need to know about oldpro's hair loss, the German's robotic autism and the adventures of the Albanian pizza boy, right here, on The Blog of Boo.

Forget fake news. 

The real news is that every cunt is missing our beloved Turkish streetfighting champ, Yuz. No one wants to play without this creepy loveable uncle around. He is the eco system in Red Alert. He's literally the goldfish that fattens itself up by eating the tadpoles before itself getting eaten by the sharks and whales. Without Yuz there's no Red Alert 1. This man is the most important person in the game bar none.... So for fuck sake someone do what has to be done and get this man back addicted. We need this man doing 17-hour Twitch streams again for the good of the game. I don't give a fuck - he's just going to need to stop being selfish and get himself proper addicted again and forget his real life. So someone feed this man some Red Alert crack in the form of a tournament or a best of series. 1 sniff and he'll be hooked again, that's all it will take.

The other news is people are gaining unfair advantages using optimal game renderer settings which has been scientifically and mathematically proven to cause a discrepancy in production and speed rates. Click settings in Lobby and you will see the range of options within OpenGL/Direct 3d/GDI you can choose. It's a big problem in the game. Everyone needs to be using the same renderer to level the playing field but unfortunately it seems we don't have anyone capable of making this happen at the moment now that Funky's unfortunately not around (we miss you Funky). They need to make it so that everyone is playing on the same renderer or we will always have question marks over player performance. It's a major problem in the game and cannot be ignored any longer. People are essentially playing different versions of the game which is just mega fucked up. And no I'm not being paranoid - this has been tested offline and there are slight differences in speeds depending on which graphical interface you are using (even 0.1s per unit/building makes an insane difference at a high level of game).

One final comment,

Bart would absolutely destroy any of the butlers in a head to head series.

Have a nice day

A STATEMENT FOR THE HISTORY BOOKS

 Well it needs to be said and documented. I like to give credit where it's due. 

Dynamic is hands down and without any shadow of a doubt now the best player I have ever played in 1v1 in 12 years of playing Red Alert 1 online.

He is better than all of them - Ehy, Milo, Ford, RC1985, Bea5ty, At0m1, Faust, NastyNate, Mclovin etc.

And no. I am not being melodramatic. This guy is a pro gamer and is now on another level to all of them.

I just don't want there to be a point in future where people hum and haw and debate who was better like we do for past eras when talking about Niklas, Nike 1 etc. At the very least for the 2011-2023 period, Dynamic is easily the best 1v1 player I've ever faced and no one is better poised to say this than me as I have played all of the above people endless 100s of amount of games. 

Sorry N8Diaz, Dynamic would ABSOLUTELY DESTROY Milo (aka Blank). Because he does everything Milo does (ultimate production) but also plays with brain and knows how to defend as well.

Dynamic oblitered Bea5ty 8-2 in their Fight Night, 5-0 in tournament, and 8-1 in last 9 ladder games. This makes a total score of 21-3 against the stand out 2nd best player. Bea5ty is an incredible player and for Dynamic to demolish him like that is a testament to his strength.

So just why is Dynamic so good? He has the total combined range of skills. Some players are maybe slightly deficient in some categories (eg RC was never a great soviet builder player, Milo was bad at defending rushes, Faust was bad on certain niche maps like Pico and not the best on P4 scouting).

Dynamic has incredible defence. It's almost impossible to rush him. For example he is 60-0 against the likes of Lordy and Jacob in his last 60 games against them. This is just insane because those 2 are good players.

His production is as good as anyone now, and near perfect. He does not miss an opportunity to produce or place a building.

Also, a huge strength he has over other players is his SCOUTING. He sees EVERYTHING. Every rush coming and is constantly watching the map. Bad players like me and robskate often don't do this and get caught off guard - we are somewhat lazy. He is constantly scowering the map so he does not miss anything and can make rapid decisions to adapt. 

He's also insanely strong with early game micro and applying pressure. He will demolish you with early Q or infantry/naders on a map like Path Beyond or Pico. His micro management with ore trucks etc on ore maps is also second to none and I'd even go so far to say I think there's some maps where he's unbeatable.

Some might argue, "Gganbu beat him 17-15 a couple months ago." Key point: a couple of months ago. Dynamic has improved from 9.5/10 to 9.9/10 in those few months. He's improved to an even higher level in that time and it would be interesting to see them play now. I think he'd adapt to Gganbu's style of play. The improved results against Bea5ty are a testament to this improvement.

So yes, I am happy for this to be used as a reference point going forward. Dynamic is the best 1v1 player of the CnCNet 5 era of Red Alert and it's not even debateable at this point. Like I said, I played them all 100s of times, and wins against the others are very much more possible than against Dynamic.

Thanks for reading,

CrushyBoo (12th February 2023)

A message to Bea5ty

 Don't be upset that Dynamic took ya spot. This is the way of the animal kingdom. It's the circle of life. The lion dominates the tribe for years but one day he gets old, a young testosterone raging lion from another pack comes along and has the balls to fight the lion for the head of the tribe. The older lion is now jaded and perhaps not the force he once was - years of complacency and age have taken their toll. As a result, the young lion is able to defeat the once feared great warrior and take his head and crown.

All great champions had brutal losses at the end of their career - Mike Tyson getting destroyed by Lennox Lewis, for example. It doesn't take anything away from your part in RA history. The same will happen to Dynamic too one day, no doubt. Perhaps a BAT-metz or a Nastyahlem will come along and send him to the dumpster. It's the circle of life. Get this banger of a tune on and relax:

Just don't feel bad and keep ya head up. Lordy will still be there to give ya post-sex cuddles win, lose or draw.

The Official Red Alert Awards for 2022

Well it's finally here. Get yourself a cup of tea and a cupcake, maybe some popcorn, as we finally reveal the official award winners for the past year in Red Alert 1.

We'll start out with some of the minor awards before building up to the 2nd most important award (player of the year), before ultimately revealing the most coveted and prestigious prize of them all, BUTLER OF THE YEAR - join the Twitter trend #BOTY2022.

 Rookie of the Year 

This was a straight shootout between abc and ahlem, who a year ago were both total nubenators and p4/liquid exclusive noobs. Both have upped their game considerably in the last year. On balance, Ahlem has made more rapid progress, best highlighted by joining a B-tier clan (Nasty), whereas abc remains at C-tier clan level ([1]), therefore the panel recognises this phenomenal rate of improvement for Ahlem and awards him the title of Rookie of the Year 2022. Congratulations Ahlem! Hopefully your rate of improvement can improve and you will break through to A-tier and the big leagues in 2023!

Lifetime achievement award

The panel also decided that this award had a unanimous winner. It takes some going to play 100,000+ games of Red Alert 1 online multiplayer over 25 years and never have constructed a single service depot. This man literally sells his construction yard on any map after his 6th war factory and 3 ore refs are down just to not clutter his sidebar! Forget a service depot, forget even a chronosphere, I'm pretty sure the winner of this award does not actually even know that Iron Curtain and Gap Generator are aspects of this game. The winner of the award for achieving the lifetime milestone of 25 years with no service depot goes to robskate.

Clan slut of the year 2022

Another category which had a unanimous winner. Jacob has been passed around the Red Alert 1 clan fraternity on CnCNet like a dog toy. Jacob in the last year alone sniffed the jockstraps of OP, ORA, 1, NM, BAT and RAM clans. A phenomenal achievement and we present him the title of Clan slut of the year 2022 in recognition of his dedication to this cause. He truly made even serial clan sluts like Lordy and Zizou look like unblemished virginal brides.

Big d*ck swinging alpha of the Year 2022

There can of course only be one winner of this award. Only one player has the balls to drive their MCV across the map and dump a flame tower in your face while you are already building a 2nd war factory. No other player has the wizardry and craftiness to apc your CY like an absolute badass. The testosterone levels on this guy are off the charts as he has the balls to do what no other mere mortal player can only dream of. The sama, the American badass, the 4 letter word, BART is the winner of this award, and naturally so. Undisputed standout performer of the year in this category.

Clown of the Year 2022

The only player to retain his title from 2021. Find this guy being a beta male and cucking the pros on every twitch stream or playing in Arena Valley FFAs with noobs while there's some pro game rooms open. Congratulations to the biggest joke on Red Alert, Butcher! 🤡 

Streamer of the Year 2022 

This award goes to [BAT]N8Diaz. He has the most entertaining Red Alert stream but not necessarily because of the game play! It's really enlightening and a scientific experience to witness someone's mouse cursor when they are completely engulfed by an acid-trip bong cloud. Indeed, you won't get to see how many credits the players have or what's happening on the battlefield when you tune into Diaz's twitch stream, but you will be treated to a marvelous assortment of underground trance music and you'll have the full front-seat experience of witnessing someone in real-time whose brain has been reduced to complete mush after years of hitting the bong. If you want to observe what an LSD trip looks like in virtual reality, tune into N8's games on twitch! Congratulations!

Leigh: Hi Diaz, how are you doing mate?

Diaz: Hey brooo, sorry who is Diaz?

[5th dimension of the mushroom adventure]

Player of the Year 2022

You might think this award is a straight shootout between Gganbu and Dynamic. However that only really takes into account 1v1 play, in which they have gone back and forth (with Gganbu beating Dynamic slightly more than he loses according to ladder statistics). However, this year there was a performer in 2v2 who was so marvelous that we had to give him the award for Player of the Year.

Imagine playing 30+ Bo11 series with a 19 stone handicap on your back and being able to win series against 2 pros. Rushy aka herm has been able to carry Lordy to some wins that onlookers would otherwise think impossible. Literally any other player would probably have lost all those series 6-0 or 6-1, that's a testament to how great Rushy is.

Due to having amazing team play and some of the best carrying skills ever seen in Red Alert 1 online multiplayer, it's fair to award Rushy this award. Congratulations! Someone get this man some much needed massage therapy and allow his back a few months to rest and heal, for goodness sake!

Butler of the Year 2022!!!!!

Well it is of course the prize everyone wants to win. The apex of Red Alert 1 online multiplayer. Last year we had a great ambassador for the game in Budw who won this award with pride. The winner of this year had big shoes to fill. 

There were many contenders who were desperate to get their hand on the prize, so the panel would like to give an honourable mention to the runner-up, Dutchy. Dutchy showed admiral skills in becoming Lordy's personal butler in Xi/Ex clan. Dutchy was happy to wipe Lordy's greasy ass crack after a McDonalds Super Size Big Mac Meal every night, and happy to lick the sweat off his man-boobs in between games. Dutchy did an admiral job and even performed to a high standard in his clan battles alongside his daddy. However, he did not quite win the award as we agreed that Dutchy had improved too much in his actual gameplay to be eligible for the winner's prize. It's true that Dutchy has markedly improved his game since being coached by Lordy and so it would be more appropriate to christen Dutchy the "most improved player of the year.". Unlucky Dutchy, but a valiant effort and you narrowly missed out on winning the most prestigious prize of all.

Well it's the moment you've all been waiting for. The panel spent hundreds of hours gathering the data and studying the landscape, and we have decided on the #BOTY2022 winner. A worthy winner who I am sure will wear the badge with honour. To explain how we decided on this year's winner, the voting panel would like to set the scene:

Imagine you are a lowly C-tier rank 50 level player who can only Q and can't build or use infantry, let alone play infinite ore maps. Imagine you bounce around the streets of CnCNet like a cheap filthy $5 crack whore looking for a c*ck to suck so you can join your next clan. Imagine constantly hopping around the top 3-4 players like a groupie at a Motley Crue concert. That's the dedication this individual went to in an effort to secure the Butler of the Year award. The panel noticed it. The panel are aware that this individual would only ever play in matches were he teaming up with Bea5ty or Dynamic. The panel realised that this individual was happy to pour the drinks and light the cigars of his masters, as long as he could Q-tank his way to being carried to victories in 2v2 matches. When you paint this picture and realise the effort and dedication that went into this, it becomes crystal clear that this is what we look for in a Butler of the most highest standard. Congratulations therefore, to Ad on securing the Butler of the Year 2022 title! Happy butlering in 2023, show us all how it's done by butlering for Gganbu in your next series against KOBA and sp0ckab and complete the set!

#BOTY2022 AD

Congratulations to all the prize winners! Commiserations if you missed out on an award, hopefully it will motivate you to come back even stronger next year! 

Sir CrushyBoo

Dynamic Vs Beast Review

R3sistant's Twitch stream of the match

Thank you to R3sistant for streaming the match of the year 2022 as we would finally find out who is the 2nd best player in the Red Alert world after Gganbu.

******SPOILER WARNING**** Click the link to watch the match before reading the following review.

The match had a considerable amount of pre-game hype as Dynamic would put his massive ego on the line against one of the most feared opponents in Red Alert, Bea5ty. As you may be aware, Bea5ty has been considered one of the strongest players in RA for several years and 18 months ago Dynamic was just a Remastered player who specialises in other C+C universe games.

After many months of training getting pumped by me on the Ladder, Dynamic now felt ready to take a shot at the Kosovan Koala. Would Dynamic get destroyed or would the Koala get its tummy tickled like its daddy bear?

Bea5ty was representing his boyfriend and sugar daddy in this match, Lordy. The Olympic-level-physique Englishman had been trolling Dynamic ever since he joined the classic RA1 community, so this match was serious. Dynamic was very clear in his intentions, he wanted to batter Bea5ty so bad that in his own words:

 (18) [15:17] <[oP-Dynamic]> we gonna see oxygen mask
(18) [15:17] <[oP-Dynamic]> usage
(18) [15:17] <[oP-Dynamic]> for lordy

The first game set the tone of the match.  Virtually everyone was expecting Bea5ty to take game 1 on P4 as it really suits his playstyle. However he seemed to misplay the game and handed it to Dynamic on a plate.

Next up was game 2, HJK6, chosen by Bea5ty. Once again, to the shock of the crowd, Dynamic took an intense game in which he seemed to win via brute production rate. Bea5ty did not seem to be at his absolute best, perhaps the pressure of impressing Lordy was getting to him.

After this Dynamic would quickly race into a 4-0 lead and things were looking very grim for Lordy's jizz puppet. Fortunately, Bea5ty was able to offer some hope and pulled off a victory on Arena Valley Extreme map, somewhat surprising as people expected this map to heavily favour Dynamic. An additional win on Pico (smart tesla positioning) for Bea5ty was enough to get 2 wins on the scoreboard but it was all in vain as he would eventually succumb to an 8-2 victory for Dynamic. Dynamic dominated the match throughout and was a deserved winner. In the aftermath, Lordy was seen carrying Bea5ty's bruised body from the ring:

Thanks for reading and hopefully you enjoyed the match. 

Keep calm and tank,

CrushyBoo